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Ekama Emilia Akpan, a pillar in the Manufacturers Association of Nigeria (MAN) especially in the south-south/east, clocked 65 years recently and also marked 40 years in marriage. She told BDSUNDAY that her experience as a human resource manager and entrepreneur of many years standing has shown that women survive better in hard economic situations. Akpan is the national vice president of MAN, and two-time chairman of MAN Rivers/Bayelsa chapter.
Dedicating her marriage of 40 years to an engineer, Anthony Akpan, at the Charismatic Renewal Ministries, Love International Centre in Rumurolu, Woji area of Port Harcourt, the CEO of Showers Group, industrial apparels manufacturer, education investor and mentor of female entrepreneurs said women can hear from God more and have intuition and creativity to wriggle out of bad times. She however, admonished women to ensure that they support their husbands at all times to make the home happier.
In an exclusive interview, the CEO advised wives thus: “A woman is there to support, not only when the times are bad. Some of the things you find on the decoration table are from Coca Cola bottles to make artificial flower. A woman has ingenuity in her. Bring it out. I used to make groundnut and biscuit and be selling. When we started, we didn’t have all these big things you see. It took me some ingenuity. I pay for things with my own money. Women can survive better than men in these bad times because of ingenuity. If you have all the money but you have no man to nurture and to love, it is meaningless. Your life is incomplete.”
On what she tells her daughters, Akpan declared: “What I have been drumming into the ears of my daughters is patience, and how to listen to your inner heart. The Lord can tell you, this is your husband, but you may be surprised because it’s not the person you had in mind. You know we are all romantic but when the Lord says this is your husband like He said to me, you know He is correct. That means the Lord has made provision for that marriage.”
Asked if every girl is going to hear from God before choosing a man, she retorted thus: “Yes, but they do not want to hear. It means you always go back to your God and say; this is what you want to do. You can never fail.”
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She had said in her testimony in the church that she saw her husband to-be coming on the street (at D-Line in Port Harcourt) and that her heart told her, this is the man. On whether she then made any move, she said no.
On what then a woman should do in such situation, the mentor said: “Wait for a confirmation. I did not tell the man, God said you should marry me. I told someone near me that, look, that man coming will be my husband. The man was like, wao. I had my peace and did nothing. It was his father that fast-tracked it. It was so smooth-going that I had to leave my husband for England after my wedding. They did my bride price in my absence. I had a relationship that I set my heart on but it didn’t work out. When this one happened, my mother, a wise woman, said when something is for you, nobody will take it away. I did not stress for it.”
On what she found enduring in her choice after 40 years, Ekama as she is known in the family said: “It is his caring attitude. Money is not everything. Looking at your wife and saying, are you ok? How is your face this way? You do not look well, let me manage your skirt, it is not looking good. Let me iron your cloth. People say to him, you are a very peaceful man, how do you marry this one? He would say, ah, she is my defence, go and marry your own. Women do not really care about giving them so much, but genuine care gives her the courage to go ahead. You heard him say I kept (delayed) the pontoon for 20 minutes but it was 45 minutes. I also did the same for a plane. He is always last minute man. I am the quick one, I plan ahead. Some of these things you see here today for this anniversary, I planned them two years ago. The British Airways once threw me out when I was saying, he is coming, he is coming. You need to know your man. I do not grumble about it. That is why God said, I will give you a helpmate. You are meant to be compatible. That which he lacks, you make it up. That is how you can relate. If you recognise this, you will not grumble. It took him eternity to write his love story. I now stepped in to say, ok, let me write the story. When I finished, he said, yes, that is it.”
She went on; “I listen to my husband through the heart, not what he said with his mouth. Sometimes, he will just be looking at me, I will know something is not alright, I just step in. A master said a man cries in his stomach, not cry with mouth. So, if a woman uses her intuition, she will hear. It is just that they do not want to use it, but when they love you, they use it. The Bible says He (God) will send the Holy Spirit; it must be the Holy Spirit that did part of the woman. We use it, especially if you appreciate us. If you maltreat your wife and she locks up, that part of her is gone. She will not be able to do it. In an environment of love and care, you get the best of a woman in marriage.”
Her childhood friend now a chief, Obianuju Anajemba from Nnewi, Anambra State, said she was not surprised that her friend is a success in marriage due to the huge foundation of mission school education of those days. “First of all, she used to be very stubborn, but very pretty. She was the centre of attraction in the school, coming from a very elitist background. She was always coming in with dazzling shorts, physical education (PE) dresses. Of course, you know she is beautiful. I don’t need to tell you. You just need to have a glimpse of that. Not only that, she was always coming first in school. She was the captain in handball. Anytime you saw Emily in the field, it was as good as carrying the cup. She was very aggressive in everything; dancing, football, netball, handball and academically, she was super. And, the much I knew her to this day, she never changed one bit. One thing again is she so versatile in everything without any scandal. Sometimes, you find people of this nature and you find out that at particular time in life, they kind of derail. Since I knew her, she is all charisma, charm, etc. You could think she is very cheap person to come about, no way. That’s what I love about her. She has a wonderful husband. I do not know how to describe Tony. He is one in a trillion as a man because he has given her all the freedom, support, and encouragement. He understands her so much. Emy sometimes could be very radical. The only thing is she disarms you with smiles so you do not know what to do again.”
Her husband, Anthony, reflecting on her inner strength, said: “If there is anything that can define her is tenacity. Oh, she is very tenacious. She is a very strong woman, very beautiful, with a heart of gold. She can shout and jump and we can quarrel but the next minute, it’s over. The rain falls but the sun comes to dry it away. She is a strong woman, physically, spiritually, emotionally. She fights for what she believes in; sometimes, she fights me to a standstill. Sometimes, I say, maybe you are right. She has a heart of gold, very forgiving. She is a very lovely lady. Once she is happy, it’s like the Beetle sang a song, here comes a son. She is a very wonderful lady. She knows how to manage resources very well, but for me, once money comes into my hand, fiam. For her, she knows the right things to be done. I come back to find that the right things have been done.”
On what he has been telling the young men of today, the retired Total (E&P) engineer said: “What you see these days are young men and women hiding in the corners and texting and making midnight calls. That is not the proper thing to do. You are interested in a young man or a young man is interested in you, play clean with your parents. We are Christians and we will guide you. This thing called love did not start today. When young people fall in love, they forget that their parents were in love before they gave birth to you. Confide in your parents so they can guide you. The choices you make will decide whether you will go to hell or to heaven.”
On the biting economy and young marriages, he said: “Young men shying away from marriage now have full excuse of lack of money. I do not know any right thinking parent that would want his daughter to remain unmarried if there is a reasonable young man eager for her. Marriage does not start with money but with relationship. Marriage in African setting is family relationship. In my place, you never finish paying. You keep paying all through the years. In my case, 40 years down the line, I am still investing in my in-laws and they are still investing in me. It is not the bride price you paid, even if it is N1million that will make the marriage. Take your matter to your in-laws, you are supposed to be friends. The economy should not become the new barrier. Get prepared and offer marriage to a lady. If they kill you today, who will marry their daughter?”
The event provided opportunity for soul searching and bringing young men and women closer to the mind of God, according to a pastor in the church and public information expert, Linus Msirim.
Ignatius Chukwu
