2026 has to be a defining year for those who believe, those who are intentional and those who see 2026 as the distillation and crowning of the work that went into 2025. Then there are those whose morning has just arrived in 2026 because their day has just broken. It is still a defining year for them. We therefore collectively collect our joy. It’s time. But when all of these defining moments are going on, whose life are you living? It’s an interesting question right? I get it. A bit curious, a bit befuddling. But let me illuminate it for us all by telling you two stories.
A pastor asked a woman who she was, and she said she was a mother and a wife. The pastor said, ‘I do not want you describing yourself through your job description or through other people. ‘Then she said, ‘I am a teacher. ‘The pastor said that’s a job description again. ‘Okay, I get it,’ the woman said. I am a God-fearing woman who loves to read and cook, who loves knowledge and is happy-go-lucky. I also love makeup and fashion. I am kind and hard-working and very empathetic. Well, that’s a sum total of who you are first, before you became a mother and a wife. Before you became a teacher. You also forgot that you are your parents’ daughter and a much-beloved last child and a cousin to many and an aunty too, even though after “daughter”, all other designations are living your life through others. The woman pondered a while and realised that for the longest, she had not been taking care of herself but had lived for everyone else. She hardly does fun things for herself, putting herself last, even though her kids have flown the nest and she is there for everyone except herself.
This leads us to the second story I saw online. A young man is bawling on the Internet. Real heart-wrenching sorrow. His mum has just died, and he is inconsolable. Every post is about how she has to be the best mum on earth.’ She gave her all,’ he kept saying. Gave herself until she had nothing left, even for herself. ‘You were a good mum,’ he kept saying between snivels. By the fourth day after he posted his first bawling post, he brings us up to speed about the depth of his sorrow beyond the tears. He tells us his mum was at his father’s beck and call, and he was her friend and confidant. She did nothing but hang around him and go wherever he went. Then his father died. And his mum’s life ended. He said Mum did nothing but hang around his father’s memory. My mum, he continued, had no life outside my dad. Mum went nowhere after that, had not many friends and no hobbies. She had no skills and very little education. My mum, he bawled, lived her life for my dad. And when he was gone, she had no idea how to live her life. ‘Mum’, he shouted to no one in particular. Your life mattered to me. I needed you to get a life. It was too late when Dad died. He bawled some more. Now you have left me. I love you, Mum. I wish I had taken you out more. You deserved more, but you limited yourself and believed all you could be was Dad’s wife and our mum. I felt sorry for him and for his mum.
Everyone needs to self-define. What do I enjoy? Learn a skill. Learn a new language. Take a course. Go out with the girls or boys. Take a vacation. Travel some more. Learn to bake. Go to cooking school. Write a book. Trace your family genealogy. Do something with the life God gave you, outside routine and outside your work or even your home. Every once in a while, for karaoke, check out a new restaurant. Learn to swim. Take a hot air balloon. Go kayaking. Anything but to sit still around another person.
Women tend to be more in this position. Men need to encourage their wives or girlfriends to find their node. But there are some men who also sit still around their spouses or girlfriends. Do things together, but also find time for what you enjoy by yourself. Also, remember that you cannot live your life only for your office. Get a life. Take a break. Do something else you enjoy.
In all honesty, the big question for you in 2026 is whose life are you living? It’s time to get a life. May it be a rewarding one… Amen
