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I was stuck in traffic on my way from work when the 1980s song by New Edition came sifting from the car speakers. For the first time since I bumped into Carol, I found the words that best described how I felt. The musicians asked a simple question, “If it isn’t love, why do I feel this way, why does she stay on my mind?”
I must admit that those words were so apt.
A few months ago, I was the keynote speaker at a Tourism and Travel event. I delivered my speech to a rousing applause from the guests and participants and when it was time for questions, a particular journalist from the back of the room caught my attention. I didn’t catch her name but I could recognize that distinct and smooth voice anywhere. I knew for sure that she was the one.
During the meet and greet session, I found myself scanning the length and breadth of the room for her. Then suddenly I felt a light brush on my shoulders and I heard my name, “Tony”.
I turned around to find myself standing face-to-face with the woman that I’d love to hate. I’ve replayed this scene in my head over and over again, I have recited the bashing that I’ll give to her if we ever meet but here I was tongue-tied and speechless. All kinds of emotions rushed through my body and I didn’t know what to say. Carol looked even more beautiful than I could remember. Time and age have been good to her.
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I was 17 years old when I fell in love with her. She was a year older than me but it didn’t matter to us. We had a beautiful relationship but her friends were the problem. They constantly teased her about dating a small boy when she could easily pick from several older boys who were after her. Carol loved me or so I thought, but it was only a matter of time before she would succumb to the pressure from her friends and dump me. She needed to prove a point to them to the detriment of our relationship.
I never saw her again after we broke up because she went to school while I moved to the East to live with my brother.
I have always been determined and very focused and I knew from a young age that Carol was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn’t want to scare her away so I didn’t tell her my mind but I gave her my grandma’s gold bracelet as a sign of my commitment to our relationship.
Now here we are, in a room full of people, not minding who was watching and I could feel my heart still beating for her the same way it did 19 years ago. I didn’t know what to say to her so I acted the best way I knew how to and I did the only thing that came to my head at that instant… I pulled her into a hug. Her reaction was unexpected and priceless as she melted into my arms oblivious to our surroundings. Time stood still and everything else faded in that moment.
I knew for sure that we still had that chemistry.. it was undeniable. I also noticed that she still had my grandma’s bracelet and of course, she was wearing a wedding band.
Maybe I shouldn’t have taken her phone number that day. Maybe I should have just said, “Hello and bye”. But I couldn’t let her walk out of my life a second time. No way… not after that connection I felt with her when we hugged.
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Carol and I have been in touch every day and I am even more attracted to her now than I was when we were teenagers. She’s married to a very popular clergyman and they have two young kids but that doesn’t stop what I feel for her. Would my feelings for Carol be different if I was married? Well, I don’t think so. I have been in a few relationships in the past and none of them did things to my heart like Carol did.
Today, we had lunch together. Today, I kissed her for the first time and it was more beautiful than what I had imagined it would be. That kiss had been a long time coming and we both wanted it. She cried as we kissed and I could tell that she was confused and her emotions were all over the place.
Today, Carol told me that she still loves me and I can boldly affirm that the feeling is mutual.
Today, I am convinced that Carol is the love of my life. She is my soul mate but she has a family and therein lies the problem.
If I could, I would elope with her to a very far place. If I could, I’d ask her to leave her husband and come be with me, I’m ready to have her and her kids.
I love Carol with all my heart and I don’t want to leave her. We are in a complicated situation and we don’t know the way forward. The question is, “Now that we’ve found love what are we gonna do with it?”
