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It is the desire of every parent, to educate their children and to see them move on to become self-sufficient. With today’s challenging global economy, however, there is a huge increase in the number of dependent adult children.
Described as “the worst job market in a generation,” huge numbers of graduate adult children face more economic uncertainty than their parents who were born at a time of relatively greater opportunity and promise.
A challenge of 21st century parenting is the sheer number of dependent adult graduates. The question is, have today’s parents raised a generation of pampered youth who are unable to cope with the real world? Or, is today’s world just so difficult that they are unable to make their way without our assistance?
At what age or stage are your children? Have they completed their education? Are they looking for jobs? Have they started work? How much do you continue to support them? Do you give all that they ask for or just a part. Will the money help them to become more self-sufficient or will it just lead to more and more requests for help?The answers will vary from family to family. Consider these scenarios and see where you fit:
• You feel that your financial obligations end when your children graduate.
•You support your children financially, and expect to do so for the rest of your life.
• You will give your child the first few month’s rent and a security deposit for a new apartment and then they are on their own.
• Your child can continue to live at home, rent-free and doesn’t need to contribute to any of the household expenses.
• You will set them up in an apartment which you will fund until they are on their feet.
•You have educated your child and will not give any further financial support, either because you cannot afford to, or you choose not to.
When should you step in and when should you hold back? Take time to analyse the request carefully, particularly if a significant sum is required. Is there a genuine need? If they desperately need the money for an important, legitimate need and you can afford it, then there is no harm in giving or lending as the case may be. Most parents would step in during a true emergency, such as if a child or grandchild needs medical care, or school fees must be paid to keep children in school.
It is wonderful to be able to support your children but for a great many parents, continuing to financially support adult kids has serious implications for their financial future, particularly retirement. If you sit down to actually assess the numbers in terms of how much longer you must continue to earn, it puts it into perspective. Remember you need to look after yourself so that you do not become dependent on them in later years.
Every child is different. Take a good look at your each of your children’s money personalities and the family dynamics. In the same family, you will discover that various children deal with money matters differently. You find one child has been frugal from their earliest years, whilst another who is a spendthrift and extravagant, has a sense of entitlement.
