Bolu and I met through our mutual friends. They thought we were compatible, so they set us on a blind date. We didn’t hit it off as they expected, but we stayed friends.
Bolu grew up in the North. He speaks the Hausa language fluently.
In fact, his family still lives in Kaduna. His mother desperately wanted him to settle down because she wanted him to give her grandchildren. He suggested marriage to me a couple of times, but I wasn’t interested. I found it absurd because he knew I didn’t like him that much. He didn’t even try to make a decent marriage proposal. He threw it in my face as if he was doing me a favor.
We were at a friend’s party, and I had a lot to drink. I woke up to find myself in bed with Bolu. I could not believe that he took advantage of my vulnerability to have sex with me. I was furious. Nothing I did or said could undo what happened.
I was even more upset when I found out that I was pregnant. The odds were against me. Terminating the pregnancy was out of the picture; I couldn’t do that. Having a child out of wedlock would kill my parents, so I did what I thought was best at the time… I got married to my baby daddy. This was going to be the biggest mistake I ever made.
We had a small ceremony and were joined together in the sham of a marriage. It was a loveless relationship.
After my daughter Anita was born, she became my world. She was the only thing that gave me joy. There were times that I tried to put effort into doing the marriage work because of her, but I realized that it wasn’t worth it. Bolu is the most selfish man I know. He thought it was my responsibility to take care of EVERYTHING just because I earned more money than him. He was so petty that he could hide snacks or fruits because he didn’t want to share them with me. I can’t remember that he bought anything for Anita or me one time. Maybe if he rewarded my efforts with kindness, I wouldn’t have minded so much. In the beginning, I used to complain a lot about his behavior, but when I noticed that I was “pouring water into a basket,” I decided to keep quiet for the sake of my sanity.
Read also: Child is the father of man
When he wasn’t at work, he’d sit in front of the TV for hours watching Telenovelas, play Candy crush on his laptop or talk on the phone with his mother for hours. Their conversation was always in the Hausa language, and I knew they spoke of me most of the time.
Anita and I were planning a party to celebrate her birthday, and as much as we tried to carry Bolu along, he didn’t want to be part of it. I had missed some things on the party list, so I dashed out to the store to get them. I was away for about twenty minutes only to return to an empty house. Bolu and Anita’s phones were switched off. I found a note that was obviously hurriedly scribbled by Anita. She wrote that her dad had taken her phone and he was taking her to Kaduna by night bus so she could go and live with his mother.
I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know which bus terminal he had gone to. I didn’t know where to start. I would pull every resource at my disposal to make sure I brought my child back home.
I reached out to friends who advised that I call an agency that handled such matters. I called people who knew people who knew how to help me. While all this was going on, I also made a report at the police station.
I couldn’t sleep a wink that night. It was the longest night of my life. First thing in the morning, I was at the airport en route to Kaduna. The tension in Kaduna was palpable. I lost count of the number of roadblocks mounted every 2km from the airport to town. The taxi driver advised that I wrap my face and head with a scarf, maintain a refined look, and not say a word to the soldiers on the road. I was terrified.
After several ‘stops and searches by the fierce-looking soldiers, I was glad to finally arrive at Bolu’s family house, where I met his mother, who lied that she had not seen Bolu and Anita. If she had never seen a madwoman before, I’m sure she saw one that day because I lost my mind. She had no idea what was about to hit her.
With the help of the agency and police in Lagos, the local police authority in Kaduna was informed, and the kind officer-in-charge sprung into action. Bolu suddenly surfaced when the police threatened to take his aged mother into their custody. The prompt intervention of these good people saved my daughter from being shipped off to Bolu’s relations in Kano.
Bolu was full of shit. His excuse for acting so irresponsibly was that I refused him sex since we got married and disrespected him by refusing to share my money with him. I dared him to say the circumstances that led to us getting married in the first place, but he couldn’t talk. His excuses were unfounded, so I was asked to take my child back to Lagos.
Amidst the scrutiny and tight security of the soldiers on the road, my daughter and I left for the airport and were on board the first flight back to Lagos the following day. We had to sleep at the airport that night because flights were not coming in or going out because of the weather.
When we arrived in Lagos, I decided it was time to do what I should have done a long time ago. By the time Bolu shamelessly returned to Lagos, he had divorce papers waiting for him to sign. I left the flat for him and moved into the house I was building. It wasn’t yet completed, but it was conducive enough for my daughter and me to live in.
Do I blame my friends for introducing Bolu to me? No!.
I blame myself for getting drunk to the point where someone took advantage of me. I blame myself for getting married to him just because I got pregnant. I blamed myself for putting up with him all those years because I was always worried about what people will say. I was afraid of disappointing my parents, and I hurt myself. I should have damned the consequences and had my child by myself.
Can you imagine that Bolu called this morning to notify me about his rent increase? I cut the phone on him and blocked his number.
He had unprotected sex with me without my consent; that was rape. I should have sued his sorry ass, but instead, I let it slide. I didn’t even have to marry him because it resulted in a pregnancy. I let him get away with many things, but that’s not going to happen anymore. I’m taking my life back, and from now on, it’s going to be on my terms, so help me, God.
