Dear singles,
This thing called desperation is one of the greatest enemies of our marital bliss. We can deny it, gloss over it or even act like we have it under control, but it is truly a big problem that we need to nip in the bud. Desperation (some call it pressure these days) manifests in different forms but I’ll talk about two today.
Sometimes we ourselves are desperate and set timelines for ourselves, we decide that in a stated number of months, we MUST be married. When we look at goal setting, one of the things we coaches help our clients to do is to set goals within their control. As a single unattached person, setting a timeline when you have no one in view is quite risky. You have your life to be married to this person, how about you just take your time to court and marry right?
Other times, it manifests as friends and parents putting pressure on us. There is an intense demand from parents to ‘get married and have kids which really isn’t a bad thing because sometimes, this ‘demand’ is from a place of love. However, before you give in to this and marry just anyone; be settled in your identity and purpose and let this guide your decision of who to spend life. I wish I could say that the length of time dating someone is enough to marry them, but it isn’t. Many have married under the illusion of ‘I know this person and today, they are singing a different tune. When making marital decisions, be fully grounded mentally and emotionally; don’t go into marriage thinking you will ‘change’ the other party unless your new name is GOD, that is NOT your job.
In the choice of a spouse, choose a life partner. Choose someone who prioritizes you. No matter how intense the pressure to just marry is, remember that you as a single entity is making a decision for other important expressions of you – your children and your destiny. You need to have a compelling marital vision that is driving this marriage goal and at every juncture, measure your vision against your heart (intending spouse), is there an alignment there?
Look at the marriages around you, are they a model of what you want in your own home? If your answer is yes; how can you make yours better? If it is no, what can you do to ensure you don’t replicate what you have been seeing around you? As singles, we are so quick to state what we don’t want in a spouse, but not so much what we ‘want’ in a spouse.
Let me end by reiterating that, you have a lifetime to be married; rise above desperation and truly wait for something beautiful. You are worthy of that.
