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Show respect
One attitude that was prevalent while I was in secondary school was if a girl didn’t like a young man making approaches at her through letter writing as was the mode in those days…… remember the days of you are the only sugar in my tea, fly buzzing around my ears, coconut in my garri, Cabin biscuit in my milk, etc that was the tone of love letters in those good old days. If a girl did not fancy the young man, she would write back in a very caustic & rude manner using phrases like go and wash your mouth before you talk to me. You are too small to talk to me: tell your older brother to come to me instead. And then if the thought of him is most irritating and annoying, the young lady will not only write this missive on toilet roll but will also add a dead cockroach to the envelope addressed to the young man. This height of rudeness and incivility was completely unacceptable to mu mum. Never were any of her children (not the male or female) allowed the liberty to be uncivil in any form to anyone. Her mantra was you never know tomorrow courtesy is a way of life courtesy is an attitude. It isn’t situational.
Albert Einstein, one of the brightest, most celebrated men to ever walk this earth had this to say when he was asked about his relationships with others: “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.” That is respect. Respect is not eye-service, or ingratiation in any form. It is a genuine regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others, whether the fellow is the president of the nation or the cleaner. When I teach this concept in my classes, a lot of the participants clamour that it is not possible to treat everybody equally. Their argument is usually that we must respect the office of a person and give such one extra respect. Is there such a thing as extra respect? Let’s assume that there is. If this is the case, who then should receive the extra respect? I believe that every human being deserves equal respect in the most basic definition of the word. And if there is to be a difference in the show of respect to someone holding a public office, it should be done in accordance with the rules of protocol. So if protocol demands that we rise when the president walks in, then we should. Anything other than that would be ingratiation, bootlicking and unwarranted subservience.
Respect, therefore, means to have regard for the feelings, wishes, and rights of other human beings. Why would we pamper or prioritize the feelings of a wealthy person over that of a less wealthy person? The answer is obvious, even though we may choose to ignore it: we do this to win their favor. If this is the case, what does that say about our character? I leave the answer to you.
A truly refined person shows respect and consideration for others. He acknowledges the presence and value of everyone, whether small or great, he is careful about the feelings of others. For example: when he interjects two conversationalists, he apologizes and makes his interruption as brief as possible.He acknowledges others in a room even though he is interested in only one person.He shows appreciation for a job well done by his housekeeper even when he is the one calling the shots. He thanks the danfo driver or his conductor or the taxi man as he alights from the vehicle.He takes care of his driver when he is out in lengthy meetings or when he travels with them. A simple “Hello” or “Good afternoon” is the most basic and meaningful conferral of honor on others regardless of status. We must never play power games with others, and one of the most common ways we do this is to play the game of invisibility. Whether rich or poor, we must never walk past someone and pretend like we did not see them; neither must we wait to be greeted first. In Nigeria, we have a respect culture that I consider overly oppressive. There is an unwritten code that says that the junior must greet the senior first.
This is good and respectable no doubt, but I believe firmly that we must not be comfortable ignoring others and waiting for them to greet first because they are younger than us or junior to us in rank. Rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength. It takes the strength of character and loads of confidence to extend the first greeting to someone we consider our subordinate, yet, this is a powerful indication of refinement. There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.Snobbery, on the other hand, announces that one is mean spirited and small minded.
Respect time
The “Nigerian time” attitude is gross indiscipline and an absolute disrespect for others and for oneself. Punctuality is a cardinal rule. It is crucial that you appreciate the effects of tardiness; to keep people waiting shows that you completely disregard their person and their time. It shows a lack of respect for the system or organization that enabled the meeting, and worst of all, it demeans the personality of the offender and opens up the individual to insults. Schedule your day’s appointments in a realistic manner. It is wrong to make plans and book people’s time when you know in your heart that you may be late. Canceling plans at the last minute is also unbecoming, and shows that you regard yourself more highly than the other person. Emergencies may necessitate the last moment cancellation, but this should be an exception rather than the norm, and be sure to call well ahead of the time fixed for the meeting. Learn to uphold your word, and treat it as sacred. People respect people that say what they mean and mean what they say. Let your word be your bond.
