I am affected by Buhari’s death because everybody’s death diminishes the human stock. (See ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ in John Donne’s (1632) Meditation 17, Devotions upon emergent occasions, more popularised by Ernest Hemingway’, 1940.) However, I have also come across this admonition to the living: ‘Live your life in such a way that preachers do not have to lie at your funeral.’ (https://paulalcorn.com/liv…) Consequently, while I am diminished by the death of this dictator ‘democrat,’ I do not want to lie intentionally so as not to increase the tallies against me when the roll is called up yonder. I will therefore say what I said when PMB was here to defend himself. This is in three parts, and this is the first, which was published in BusinessDay, 22/11/28.
A key feature of the Buhari presidency was the politics of health, which impacted adversely on the health of the polity. At a time, he always had something to do in London, and his numerous foreign trips were routed through London, leading to his epochal 100-day medical trip. The day he returned, he was so frail that the wind was almost tossing him about. One day, however, he travelled as usual, returned as usual, but started bouncing unusually. He became so vibrant and energetic that everybody, including the son of man, noticed the new and improved PMB. I concluded that it was ‘oyibo scientific magic’ at work, and I left it at that. But before long, we heard that the bouncing fellow was ‘Buhari 2,’ sourced from Sudan to replace PMB! I did not believe so because the British media and Julian Assange (WikiLeaks) would have blown the whistle loudly and unmistakably. After a while, the story died, or so I thought.
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However, there was a resurgence of that story, with facts, figures, names, and places being bandied about. Somebody sent me images comparing and contrasting the heads and fingers. faces, ears, and necks of PMB1 and the imagined PMB2. Nnamdi Kanu has been at the vanguard of this Two-Buhari theory, insisting that there is the Buhari we know and the Buhari we don’t know. I don’t agree with them, and so I want to start my own story: that unequivocally, there are three Buharis, all from Daura!
“One day, however, he travelled as usual, returned as usual, but started bouncing unusually. He became so vibrant and energetic that everybody, including the son of man, noticed the new and improved PMB.”
The first one is Buhari, the soldier, governor of the northeastern state, commissioner of petroleum and natural resources, head of state (31/12/83-27/8/85), and PTF boss. He was ruthless, ruled by draconian and retroactive decrees, and brooked no opposition. That Buhari fought several wars: against corruption, indiscipline, and hard drugs. He contended with the change of currency, the Umaru-Dikko affair, 53 suitcases, and the disappearance of $2.8bn from NNPC (that same NNPC). Nigerians then ‘enjoyed’ the harshest economic reality, and his management of PTF left a lot to be desired (corruption and parochialism).
The second is Buhari the Saint and Democrat! GMB repackaged himself and became a saint, a man of integrity and a ‘democrat.’ As a saintly democrat, he sought to lead Nigeria in 2003 and 2007 (ANPP), 2011 (CPC), and 2015, when he became 4th time lucky under APC, courtesy of his pact with Tinubu, the Goodluck factor (conceding defeat), and the saint brand. It was one of the wonders of the modern world that the draconian Buhari, who pauperised the people and mismanaged the Ministry of Petroleum and PTF, was repackaged and sold to Nigerians as a saint!
As of 2015, most Nigerians were willing to swear by this PMB2! Merely mouthing his name made one a saint, and the only indicator of progressivism was a picture with Buhari.². It took him 6 months to assemble his cabinet; body language became an instrument of state policy, and most promises were denied or redefined, but the sainthood mantra prevailed. Bukola Saraki, Shehu Sanni, and Dele Momodu were amongst his cheerleaders, while the anointing by Fr. Mbaka and Tunde Bakari were so concentrated that they could not evaporate. Nigerians made excuses for Buhari and gave him the latitude to do whatever he wanted, and even when he doubled the prices of petrol, we clapped.
Then we have Buhari 3, the unmasked PMB. The transformation from the saint to the unmasked was seamless and unnoticeable. People just started noticing some contradictions between the activities, utterances, and policies of Buhari 2 and Buhari 3. Everything became a Daura, or northern, affair; corruption cases were treated with insecticides and deodorants depending on the culprits political or ethnic divide; and rather than belonging to everybody, he belonged to those who gave him 95 percent of the votes, most of whom are cattle owners or herdsmen. Suddenly, his cheerleaders started singing discordant tunes because their saint has been unmasked. Now, those who staked all for Buhari² beat hasty retreats and formed a Club of Buhari’s Former Friends (BFFs).
Read also: Nation mourns as Buhari laid to rest
That is the end of my story. I have done this nation a great service by proving that there are three Buharis (not 2), all from Daura. This is more straightforward and verifiable than the Two-Buhari Theory, which has led to unnecessary disputations and has the potential to cause diplomatic rows. I hope that this service to Nigeria will be recognised at the next national honours awards.
Ik Muo, PhD, Dept. of Bus. Admin., Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye. 08033026625
