In a recent couple’s coaching session, I posed a question: “Did you both have a vision for your marriage that you were working with?” The wife responded promptly, “No, he didn’t specify his vision, but I came into this marriage with a vision of what I wanted. I tried to align him with my vision, but he kept resisting. He didn’t want a marriage so structured with a vision and clear values, and this caused constant tension between us.”
I paused and asked her, “How come you came into marriage with your own vision and didn’t align with his own?”
This scenario highlights a common mistake: entering marriage with a personal vision without first aligning with the man’s vision for the home.
Read also: Marriage is a destiny decision – Don’t rush it
Where the Mistake Lies:
• Not Understanding His Vision Before Commitment: Before agreeing to marry, it’s crucial to understand your partner’s vision and mission for marriage. Assess whether you can support and align with it.
• Lack of Joint Foundation Building: Without mutual agreement and a shared vision before marriage, building a harmonious home becomes challenging.
• Imposing Personal Vision Post-Marriage: Many women envision a partner who leads in various aspects but fail to assess these qualities before marriage, hoping to instill them later. This approach often leads to friction.
Read also: Thriving in purpose even when marriage feels hard
What Should You Do Instead?
• Assess Alignment Before Commitment: Before deciding to settle down, intentionally evaluate his vision, mission, values, personal growth, and mindset.
• Reflect on Your Ability to Support His Leadership: Ask yourself if you can genuinely support and align with his leadership and vision.
• Recognise the Importance of a Shared Vision: A shared vision fosters unity and purpose in marriage. Without it, building a strong foundation becomes difficult.
