Opening a restaurant is not only predicated on passion, space or good menus. Menus matter, and they are literally the spine of a good restaurant. But if you have a good menu and you do not have a pleasing space, that’s the end for me.
Restauranting is serious business, and your waiters are the key that unlocks the business. Waiters? That’s correct. I am a bit of a gastronome, so I have been around restaurants and can tell you a thing or two.
First off, don’t have those persons who welcome you at a restaurant wearing a snarl. If you do not fit the front end, please stay in the kitchen or in administration. When you hire a waiter, let it be one ready to serve, not the one who wants to be served. Not the one who asks a diner if he is enjoying himself/herself eight times when what he really is saying is ‘Can you give me a huge tip?’ A good waiter is the one who gets the plates off a diner’s table when he/she is done without having to be told. A good waiter is one who is unobtrusive but present. A good waiter does not ask you how the food tastes when all that has been served is water.
Now let’s talk about the relationship between the menu, the diner, the waiter and the kitchen. So as a diner, I order spring rolls as my starter. First, my options for the spring rolls are vegetables, chicken and shrimp. I pick shrimp. Twenty minutes later, a portion of chicken spring rolls are served. ‘This is someone else’s order,’ I began to say. ‘I wanted you to try the chicken,’ the waiter began to say. But I did not order chicken spring rolls. My voice is rising, which leads his supervisor to arrive at my table. I am now literally ready to slay someone. Then the waiter decides, before his boss, that they are out of shrimp. My goodness. I simply stood up and left them to their “two fights”. My appetite had travelled from Abuja to Kaduna. I was no longer present for the rest of the menu. By the way, the restaurant has good food. But here we are; one waiter with cotton wool in his ears has destroyed the restaurant’s reputation.
Please note that it’s not about billboards, adverts or a fancy name. A restaurant needs to be all that and more. Most information about how good a restaurant is comes through word of mouth. A great restaurant, good food and excellent waiters advertise themselves through people who had such a good time that they tell everyone else.
And yes, although I mentioned fancy names earlier, they do in fact matter. Kikiki restaurants or restaurants that are difficult to pronounce don’t cut it. Let’s be fair, I would rather visit Primrose restaurant than Allebua restaurant. And here is a tip: you do not have to name your restaurant using the first letter in every child’s name. So your first child is Mary, and the next one is Nene, and the next child is Xavier, and the last one is Zachary. MNXZ. So this is the name of your restaurant? Please, Ma, don’t force it. Find a good name. Your kids do not have to be involved.
Let’s talk about crockery. What’s your signature crockery? White? And if so, stay white all the way. Should we want coloured plates, please don’t buy plates that clash with the colours of your food, please. Thank you. And a new thing I see now. Chipped plates are a no-no.
Finally, remember that if your soups are more than twenty-four hours old, we’ll know. Some of us are gourmet cooks. Recycling food is really not my thing. A restaurant worth its salt must be as fresh as it can be every time. Stale fish is obvious. A three-day-old chicken is a problem.
Go ahead, open your restaurant, but remember it’s a business, not a joke. This business connection is free. Next week, we take the final in the series. Bon appétit.
