Some years ago, a woman told me how her friends took her shopping for Asoebi.
They said it was “the latest”.
By the time she was done, fabric, shoes, bag, the bill was $3,500, not counting jewellery or sewing.
She laughed when she told me the story, but it was a painful laugh.
That day, she made two decisions:
Never again.
And never those friends again.
Another woman confessed that she and her circle bought jewellery worth over $50,000 when their husbands became CEOs. It felt like a rite of passage until one of those husbands lost his job. When they tried to resell the pieces, the returns barely covered a fraction of the cost. That’s when they realised: they had been buying symbols of wealth, not building it.
The real rich list
At a private women’s finance session, I asked participants to list their assets, not handbags, not cars, but cash-flowing assets.
Silence.
Then one woman whispered,
“I think I’ve been building everyone else’s balance sheet: my family’s, my children’s school’s, my bank’s, but not mine.”
That’s the painful truth for too many women. We’ve mistaken generosity for strategy.
As one mother of three told me,
“I can pay for my children’s dreams, but I don’t know how to fund my own.”
That must change.
The higher the income, the higher the illusion
The higher the income, the higher the pressure to perform successfully.
Circles expand, expectations multiply. Status cars. Children in foreign schools. Invitations to destination wedding anniversaries, birthdays and weddings.
One woman told me she left Lagos for a weekend just to avoid attending a massive society wedding because she couldn’t face another round of competitive spending.
We laugh, but this is the real economy of distraction: an entire ecosystem of spending built on emotional obligation and social performance.
Birthdays, anniversaries, church dedications, and destination weddings are all beautifully executed but rarely budgeted with intention.
We celebrate loudly, but we invest quietly and inconsistently—if at all.
And corporate women are not immune. Between corporate fashion wardrobes, international travel, and endless family demands, many high-earning women are funding other people’s memories at the expense of their own milestones.
The question isn’t whether to celebrate.
It’s whether we’re doing it sustainably.
Cost-cutting won’t make you wealthy
If we are being practical, cutting costs alone isn’t a wealth strategy.
Yes, we must stop the financial leaks: impulse spending, endless family obligations, and unsustainable generosity.
But the real shift happens when we build multiple profitable streams – income that works while we rest.
Here’s what that could look like:
1. Convert lifestyle assets into income streams:
The designer bag resale market. A spare room for short lets. A digital course from your expertise. Monetise what already exists in your life.
2. Invest collaboratively:
Collective investing is the new capital power.
At Radiant Collective Capital, we’ve proven that women pooling resources can own hotels, buy land, or take equity in ventures once reserved for the elite.
3. Build personal equity:
Beyond property or stocks — your brand equity matters.
Write. Speak. Teach. Monetise your knowledge. Every thought leader was once a silent expert.
4. Structure, don’t scatter:
Money loves order.
Automate investments, diversify returns, and engage advisors who understand your life stage.
Wealth doesn’t grow by chance; it compounds by design.
The real cost of playing status games
I’ll be honest, I don’t enjoy financial conversations that reduce women to spending habits.
We are capable of much deeper economic thought.
But without significant cashflow-producing assets, investments that earn while you sleep, many are mortgaging their future under the banner of social belonging.
It’s not the Asoebi or the jewellery that’s the problem.
It’s the absence of balance, of asset-backed indulgence.
A simple rule: if it doesn’t generate income, it shouldn’t dictate your identity.
Presence over presents
As we approach Detty December, maybe this is the moment to pause.
Is there a budget for the season?
Or more importantly, how can you create income during it?
What if you repurposed your December skills – gift curation, hosting, decorating, planning, coaching, and counselling – into micro-businesses?
What if you sold experiences, not just attended them?
What if you chose presence over presents this Christmas?
Financial joy isn’t about denial. It’s about rhythm. You can still live beautifully, travel, and give without going broke for belonging.
The reframe
Our mothers and grandmothers invested in gold, fabrics, and land because those were the accessible assets of their time.
We now have access to more sophisticated vehicles, from property syndicates to private investment clubs — but the mindset must evolve.
The question is no longer, Can I afford it? It is, can I sustain it without sacrificing my future?
If your income rises but your assets don’t, you’re not progressing; you’re just performing wealth.
The call to reflect
This season, do your own audit:
• What’s my real net worth—not in handbags, but in holdings?
• How many of my expenses contribute to future income or value creation?
• Am I living to impress or living to invest?
Because wealth illusion is costly.
It keeps women working hard but never free.
And at the end of the day, financial freedom, not appearances, is the ultimate status symbol.
Udo Maryanne Okonjo: Chairwoman, Fine & Country West Africa | Founder, Radiant Collective Capital; Women, Wealth & Power — Challenging Norms. Creating Wealth. Changing Futures.
