I did not fully grasp the pervasive gender bias in leadership and the stereotypical expectations of female bosses until a workshop last year where the conversation veered into employees’ perceptions of female bosses. For a gathering that had over 95% female participants, it was sobering to hear a large proportion voicing the negative sentiment of women in leadership. I may not be able to rehash the exact situation, but it got me wondering if there is a societal conditioning that leads us to view women in leadership from a different lens than men.
Separating Truth from Stereotype
Studies by Ella L. J. Edmondson Bell, Ph.D D., in a 2010 HuffPost article and Buchanan et al. in a 2012 study show that subordinates think female bosses are meaner, compete against other women, are micromanagers, and do not provide mentoring and development opportunities to subordinates. This article is not about encouraging negative leadership attributes – it weighs in on authentic leadership without gender sentiments while promoting transformational leadership outcomes.
The ‘Good Female Boss’ Stereotype and Why it is Harmful
We have to be careful of promoting leadership that is rooted in traditional gender roles for both men and women, leading to gendered work behaviours rather than strategic leadership outcomes, as it often reinforces unequal opportunities. For example, while it is expected for men to be unhinged in difficult work situations, women have to play nice and maintain a ‘good woman’ persona. In both cases, two wrongs don’t make a right, but this article examines the negative impact of gender stereotypes on women leaders.
Read also: Struggling to get along with a tough female boss
Women are expected to do emotional labour in the workplace: Managing and, many times, suppressing their emotions to maintain relationships and keep things running smoothly. While emotional regulation is needful, as authenticity doesn’t validate outbursts, it is harmful, unhealthy, and stressful to constantly hide genuine negative feelings or force positivity. Also, being nurturing, empathetic, and emotionally attuned to others’ needs should be a leadership requirement for both men and women to enable them to have strong emotional intelligence, manage team morale, mediate conflict, and smooth over workplace tension.
Self-sacrifice is another harmful stereotype: When women feel the social pressure to be accommodating. This can look like overextending oneself beyond what is practical or taking on invisible work, like serving food at meetings. Not only is this not strategic, but it hampers career growth when you are doing work that is not substantiated with compensation or is undervalued. This stereotype also triggers a compulsive need to be likeable – conforming and prioritising group harmony over individual empowerment. Unnecessarily shrinking ourselves to avoid being perceived as harsh or critical, or to avoid difficult discussions, can lead to losing one’s voice, poor negotiation skills, compromised principles, and second-guessing decisions.
What Authentic Female Leadership Looks lIke
Authentic leadership for both men and women is about leading in a way that’s true to who you are while also being ethically grounded and emotionally intelligent. It is about leading on your terms by dismantling and breaking free from gendered leadership expectations. It is not about “fitting in” to moulds but redefining leadership to be more human, inclusive, and values-driven. Here is how:
Own Who You Are
Don’t downplay your strengths, background, values, or leadership style to fit in. Women are often socialised to minimise themselves, especially in hierarchical spaces, but you lead better by owning your power. I encourage self-awareness tests like the VIA Character Strengths test for insight into strengths. For example, I am happy for those who thrive in chaos; I do not. Also, stop using language that diminishes your authority or shows feelings of inadequacy. Say “I believe” rather than “I think”. Do not deflect praise. Did you also know you can be kind and assertive at the same time? Embrace your leadership style – perhaps it is empathetic, not the expected ‘iron fist’. Leading with authenticity means inspiring others with your story, leading with your values, and getting comfortable being seen.
Set boundaries unapologetically
Understand that you can’t please everyone, and it is important to protect your energy and focus rather than being endlessly available and emotionally generous. You are not jollof rice, you cannot please everyone. Know and communicate your boundaries clearly – like what drains you, what interrupts your workflow, and what you need to lead well. Let your boundaries be rooted in your values – remember, boundaries are not walls; they’re guardrails for your values. Stop over-explaining, and use clear, respectful language. Boundaries don’t have to be harsh to be firm.
Read also: The catch-22 of being a female boss
Model vulnerability
Boundaries are not the opposite of vulnerability. Vulnerability is about leading with your humanity, not just your title. It can feel risky because there is pressure as a leader to be put-together and to be taken seriously. Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s courage that reinforces connection and credibility. When done without compromising your authority, it deepens trust. You should accept that you don’t have all the answers as a leader.
Speak up with confidence
Take up space by embracing your unique voice and perspective while effectively conveying your ideas. Leverage body language and assertive communication to demonstrate confidence. Also, avoid unnecessary qualifiers and manage your tone to be at a moderate pace with just the right volume. For more effective outcomes during difficult work situations, you can reframe negative emotions through constructive communication.
Final Thoughts
To break free from the bad boss label, women do not have to run at extremes – either have the ice queen persona or the sweet mother persona. There has to be an effective balance of assertiveness, empathy, and strategic communication. Find your sweet spot as a female boss – the goal is to define how exactly you want to lead while playing to your strengths. I am rooting for you girl!
