Today, I will resort to Afghanitanism. For those who are young in age or are relatively new to the practice of journalism in Nigeria, Afghanistanism was a survival strategy adopted when Nigeria was rough and tough, especially after Decree 4. Under Decree 4, if you greeted a public officer with ‘Good morning’ when it was exactly 12 noon, you were in trouble! Anyway, Nigerian journalists strategically undertook self-censorship, ignoring happenings at home and writing about irrelevant things and ‘beautiful nonsenses’ happening overseas. Thus, on a day when the soldiers would have unleashed ‘sorrow, blood and tears’, the Nigerian journalist then would, for instance, write on the dress the queen wore to dinner or about the nutritional value of ‘furadenunu’ or the convocation ceremony of a university in the Republic of Niger! There was no way he would get into trouble with these topics.
Today, nobody is after anybody’s neck, at least not frontally or impetuously. But what has happened in Nigeria in the recent past is so much that I need to ‘be calming down’ so as to fully assimilate and make meaning out of it. Nnamdi Kanu has been sentenced to life by the kindhearted judge who could jolly well have sent him to the gallows. I did not read the lengthy judgement spiced with ‘whereafter’, ‘wheretofore’, ‘hitherto’ and ‘hereinafter’, but I understood that he was jailed for ‘speaking’ treason in a country where those who ‘do’ treason are sealing government-approved peace deals here and there. He worsened his case by asking, ‘Where is the law?’ and his caustic verbal pugilism! Trump, a PPC (President of Particular Concern), has ignored ALL the chaos he caused, and is still causing, in the US to declare Nigeria a CPC (Country of Particular Concern) and threatened to intervene. The nature of this intervention is still of particular concern to me. Instead of taking steps to minimise the killings, the Federal Government ‘opposed the motion’ by arguing that the killings affected both Muslims and Christians. It was much later (just this week) that they released the ‘Counter Terrorism Framework, 2025-2030’. Perhaps we have been dealing with these multifaceted security challenges without a clear strategy.
The bandits, kidnappers, Bokoramists, ISWAP or ISIS have gone haywire, kidnapping our students with reckless abandon, invading places of worship and making our security operatives look clueless. The Kebbi State governor is querying why the soldiers withdrew minutes before the terrorists struck, and the Inspector General of Police is still striving to explain how Nigerian soldiers rescued the ‘kidnapees’ without shooting or arresting any of the perpetrators. There is also confusion as to whether the victims escaped, were ransomed or were rescued. And state governments are competing with each other to close their schools… surrendering without firing a shot! Under these circumstances, I readily forgot the ‘you are a fool’ interface between Nwike and Yerima (which Nwike bold-facedly denied!), the latest stanza of the Natasha–Akpabio ‘war’, the combat between pro- and anti-Nwike forces (both parties supported by security operatives) at the PDP plaza or the full-blown war between ISWAP and ISIS, as they fought to finish over somebody’s land. I also heard the good news that Section 1 of the contentious coastal highway will soon be launched, after many businesses, investments and livelihoods were destroyed in the process. Because these happenings are too much for me to critically ‘consume’, I decided to go to Afghanistan.
“There is also confusion as to whether the victims escaped, were ransomed or were rescued. And state governments are competing with each other to close their schools… surrendering without firing a shot!”
I nearly forgot the theme of this intervention, but my natural AI has just reminded me. It is a popular saying that whatever a man can do, a woman can also do! Later-day ‘womanists’ updated the saying by adding ‘even do better’. Tanzania has proved the latter version of that age-long saying. Before the elections, the president, Ms Samia Suluhu, made sure that the elections were just to fulfil all righteousness. All her major and minor opponents disappeared or were jailed or disqualified. She therefore ended up competing against herself and scored 100% of the votes, although a minor technical glitch reduced her score by about 3%. Netizens who thought that they were in Nepal came out to do ‘I no go gree’, and about 1000 of them were dispatched to their maker. And she started her new tenure with some revolutionary steps by appointing her daughter as the Deputy Minister of Education and her in-law (the daughter’s husband) as the Minister of Health. Surely she has the credentials and capabilities to join the living ancestors of Africa, like Paul Biya, 92, who was just sworn in for the 8th term (and won the election even after campaigning with effigies); Nguema (83) of Equatorial Guinea, who has been in office since 1979; and the revolutionary Museveni of Uganda, who has been in charge since 1986. These are ancients who have ruled their countries for generations, evidence that nobody compares to them.
Honourable judges, accurate timekeepers, courageous co-debaters and attentive audience, I hope that with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince, not confuse, you that what a man can do, a woman can do and even BETTER!
Ik Muo, PhD, Dept of Business Admin, OOU, Ago-Iwoye. 08033026625
