In her book, ‘Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids’, Dr Laura Schlessinger notes that ‘one of the main problems facing basically decent people, struggling today with the challenges of marriage and children, is the loss of societal focus and commitment to ideals, obligations, and self sacrifice’.
The issue of parenting is key because the Good Book upholds the need to train a child early enough, such that he/she cannot depart from the good ways. Some still ask, ‘ when does parenting start’? When you consider the powerful matrix of intimate interactions that occur in the womb during pregnancy, you can then understand the fact that pregnancy is parenting de facto. In fact, very early parenting starts even before conception, so does communication. By implication, ‘parenting’ that starts when your child becomes a teenager is too late. (Miracles happen though).
Communication flows naturally from parents to their offspring but when we get busy we tend to forget in a hurry that, if communication really counts, it needs to be nurtured. Parental involvement, participation, attention, affection and cooperation influence a child’s temperament into adulthood. (I shall talk about your child temperament later).
A parent’s primary responsibility of caring for their children thrives on positive interaction. The idea is to ‘catch them young’. The question is what does your child need from you …-money,time,love…?
What kind of parent are you- Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive or Neglectful?
You are an authoritarian parent when you are a dictator who must be obeyed. To you, discipline means punishment. With you there is no room for dialogue.
Your children are likely to become angry, aggressive and hostile. They mostly have issues with decision making and problem solving skills.
You are an authoritative parent when you set the rules in clear terms and encourage your child to participate.
You show the consequences but correct with love. You encourage, praise and reward good conduct. Your children are likely to be happy, responsible and successful.
You are a permissive parent when you are lenient and lazy. You relinquish your role as a parent and become a friend. You over-pamper your child. When you cannot set boundaries, you are grooming a brat. You are setting up yourself for headaches when you cannot discourage bad behaviour. Your children are likely to become clueless and lawless. They tend to be spoilt and selfish. They mostly struggle academically.
You are a Neglectful parent when you abandon your duties and responsibilities. You totally forget that adults raise children. Your dictionary is devoid of ‘attention, interaction and affection’. You have a callous disregard for your children’s life. Why are you an uninvolved parent- lack of knowledge, nature of job, substance abuse…?
Your children are likely to become delinquents.
You see, the reality of parenting is painful. Ben Carson, in his book, ‘Think Big;Unleashing Your Potential for Excellence’, notes that “doing the right thing when it is not popular or when it is not going to get everyone’s approval is not always easy…”. When parents work hard to provide money and in the process get disconnected from their children, where then would the consistent and meaningful adult contact come from… television, computer, domestic workers, day care, schools..?
When was the last time you relaxed with your child, sitting together, just talking, listening, taking a walk,reading with him/her or even giving them a bath?
Yes, you are indispensable to your employer and your big business, but are you easily replaceable in your children’s lives and hearts?
CHIAMAKA BOBBY-UMEANO
