Let’s try to reach out to others and also listen to them more. Let’s listen attentively to what they have to say and even harder to what they opt not to say. Globally, suicide was the 2nd highest cause of death for people between the age of 15 and 29 years in 2016, taking 800,000 lives. To bring this point closer to home, by 2018 Nigeria had placed 5th in the ranking of suicide capitals of the world. 15,000 out of every 100,000 suicides globally took place in Nigeria. Frightening. Yet another uncoveted laurel. I read a beautiful quote somewhere which said, “Let kind eyes meet desperate ones and strong hands help weak ones and watch God perform His miracle. Once we do our small part He will do the big part”.
This “itiju” mentality that so besets us in this society causes more harm than good, as far as I’m concerned. Many have departed this life because our culture of “itiju” simply didn’t permit them to speak out, cry out, reach out. “Itiju”, a Yoruba word for a sentiment and an ethos which bestrides the entire nation; north to south and east to west. The cross these hapless “victims” bore was just too heavy to carry all by themselves. Many bear secret pains which our culture insists must not be shared. Instead, they grit their teeth, hold on and wait for God to come down and deliver them. A lot of the time, it is not the problem itself that kills people but the bottling it up. How? Imprisoned by “itiju”, you’re constrained from “exposing” yourself, which reaching out to others for help shall surely do. How do you inadvertently admit to the whole world that you’re too “weak” to withstand the challenges of life which confront all and yet others seem to be coping with? The devastating consequences of this was painfully brought home not long ago when we lost a lovely, quiet lady who was just in her mid forties. From all indications, her heart could no longer cope with the vagaries of life. One cannot deny that she had a great job; a job most people would willingly give their right arm for, but life had so cruelly thrown her a series of curve balls. God knows she did her best and so do we. Such a terrible loss. One cannot help wondering if things might have been different if only she felt it was okay to open up. Contrary to popular opinion, merely smiling through it all doesn’t always work.
The oyibo man says a problem shared is a problem halved or half solved but we say “no”, this can only bring shame. Shame for whom, may I ask? Is it for the woman who eventually gets battered to death by a spouse who had for long turned her into a punching bag? Or is it for the man who had lost his job or source of livelihood but continued to go “to work” at the same time every morning, to avoid the “itiju” of owning up to others that things had gone little awry? Still, is it the young girl subjected to sexual abuse for as long as she can remember by that despicable “uncle”. It may interest you to know that only 2000 cases of rape have ever been convicted in the history of Nigeria. Yes, just 2000! Does that not sound ludicrous to say the least? I imagine some level of indictment could be found at the feet of the judiciary and probably more at the feet of our security forces, who at times still betray a warped mindset of believing the appearance or actions of the victim somehow provoked it. Most times though, the culprit isn’t brought to book as the “itiju” of it prevents the victim or even her loved ones from coming forward to report the incident. Some, in the long run decide they can no longer continue and resolve to just end it all, as has become increasingly prevalent in our society lately; while others, victims of financial reversals, fall easy prey to less legal ways of earning money. At times, just to keep up appearances.
Or is it those whose mental state has been made the more precarious by debilitating circumstances? In these climes, you’re either totally sane or you’re mad. So, as long as your thinking appears to be rational, your speech coherent and your dressing decent, every other thing is spiritual. Unfortunately, the “itiju” attached to seeking professional help pushes one to seek divine intervention via deliverance instead, while ignoring the very real and often critical psychological issues. When such a person decides one otherwise ordinary day, to park his or her vehicle half way down Third Mainland bridge to “swim with the fishes”, everyone wonders why. Mental health issues are real and the sooner we acknowledge this ticking time bomb the better. It is my strong belief too that if a thorough research was to be conducted, it would be discovered that a significant number of mental health cases are in fact linked, directly or indirectly, to our stifling “itiju” culture.
Changing the nation…one mind at a time.
Dapo Akande
