Workplace gossip can have devastating consequences. We tend to have a strong negativity bias: We often pay more attention to negative information than we do to positive information. So if someone spreads false rumors about you, it can be hard to shake off that reputation. Not only can this experience damage your professional opportunities; it can also be extremely stressful on a personal level.
If you are facing hurtful rumors at work, you’ll need to use skills of emotional intelligence to avoid making the situation any worse — and ideally, to make the situation better.
1) REGULATE YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: There is only so much you can do about the situations you face, but there is a lot you can do about how you respond to them. Use the calming strategies that work best for you: breathing, mindfulness, unplugging from work, working out or taking walks. Chances are you will come up with a far more constructive solution to the problem once the emotions have calmed down.
2) EXPAND YOUR PERSPECTIVE: We know from research that negative emotions like stress or feeling down are associated with a narrower perspective and a tendency toward self-focus — in other words, your perception is skewed. In order to figure out a constructive solution, you need to snap out of a negative mindset.
3) PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION — AND EVEN FORGIVENESS: Research supports the idea that when you forgive someone, the person who benefits most is yourself. Forgiveness helps you move on, improves your well-being and your health, and generally lightens your step.
4) DE-IDENTIFY FROM THE SITUATION: Recognize that the situation is not necessarily a reflection of you; it is actually about the anxiety of others. That said, you do need to be honest with yourself. It’s important to probe into whether there is truth in what is being said.
5) CONSIDER HOW TO RESPOND: If you know who is behind the rumors, you can offer your perspective to the lead gossip, however challenging or awkward it may feel to do so. But be sure to speak to them from a place that is cool and collected.
6) GIVE IT TIME: Remember that time is on your side. In the long term, performing and acting with high integrity will speak for themselves.
7) FOCUS ON WHAT’S GOING RIGHT: We know that the mind clings to the negative — but at any given time, a lot of things are going right in our lives. Spending time enjoying and feeling grateful for what is positive in your life will help you weather the rest.
It’s really hard to be the subject of a negative office rumor, particularly one that has no basis in reality. You can’t always control what other people say about you — but you can control how you respond.
