Christmas is fast approaching! This is the season where most of us start to empty our wallets in the name of giving gifts.
The concept of giving gifts over the Christmas season has become a generic practice or merely just an expectation both locally and internationally. Many even argue that it is now some sort of capitalist culture, which the retail industry has taken full advantage of to boost their profit margins. While this may be true, when it comes down to it, human beings make the decisions for themselves, and at the end of the day it is really nice to give and receive gifts. But in making these decisions for our children, do we really give much thought to the gifts we give them? Do we give them what they want, what they need, or what would be value adding?
Gifts are supposed to be a great way of expressing love and gratitude to one another. However, some practices of this day and age may indicate otherwise e.g. purchase of generic items, excessively expensive gifts that do not match certain lifestyles, etc. It is extremely important that a lot of thought goes into the gift-giving process for our children. There are many scenarios, which play out, each having some context or sentiment behind it. Some are described below:
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Christmas: This comes up first on the list because the season is nigh. Apart from the religious background of Christmas, many people also view this season as a time of reflection and appreciation for what the year brought forth, and making it through till the end. For children it is very common to hear (especially in the western part of the world) that those who receive presents have been good all year. And then the naughty ones do not get anything. While this is not necessarily the case on our side of the world, the gift giving culture within our families at this time of the year is not quite as strong. As a show of love and appreciation for family, regardless of people being good or bad, it is kind gesture. The gift itself is just one part of the process; another important part is the gift opening. This should be done as a family in a joint forum as a unifying process that gives the opportunity to have that loving and intense session of the expression of gratitude for one another.
Birthdays: Gift giving on birthdays should be a no-brainer. This is a day that children (and many adults) look forward to every year. It is a way of expressing gratitude for marking another year in life. So children go all out and make some serious demands. Parents often oblige to these requests from their children, and should do so within their means. After all, this is one day of the year where the children can get away with what they want, including wearing mufti to school (if their birthdays are on weekdays during term time), while their peers wear their uniforms. It is just one day of self-appreciation, which is reasonable.
Achievements: Giving children gifts for certain achievements is a good way of expressing appreciation for their hard work. It is also an incentive which would encourage them to persist in whatever that particular endeavour is, e.g. academic achievements, excellent performance in extracurricular activities, etc.
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Just Because: Sometimes we give gifts literally just because we feel like giving them. This is essentially a way of expressing love and care through the act of selflessness through giving. In this case, the gift might not be something grand. It could even be a gesture such as taking children out for their favourite meal or snack. While this is great, we should also be mindful we, as parents, should not overdo it or regularise it excessively because it would no longer be a special occasion and then we may begin to breed a culture or sense of entitlement in our children, which could form the foundation of spoiling them.
Now that we have covered some scenarios in gift giving, here’s another question: What types of gifts should we give our children?
These days, there seems to be quite a large variety of items to give as gifts. However, we have to be careful to ensure that there is a thought process that we put into this. The type of gift usually depends on the scenario, but there are some gifts that may seem normal but are harmful to our children. How much time do we spend assessing what we give our children? Some items, which might seem to be in trend, might not necessarily be appropriate. So we need to ensure that what we give is not physically or mentally harmful.
Another area we should consider in this thought process is our children’s personalities. Going through the love language test for children (based on the book, 5 Love Languages by bestselling author, Gary Chapman), we as parents need to pay very close attention to our children’s preferences when it comes to the expression of love, such that our gifts to them match what they would appreciate.
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Gift giving is a beautiful expression of love and appreciation, but we have to pay careful attention to the way we go about doing this.
Oyin Egbeyemi is Executive Administrator at the Foreshore Schools, Ikoyi, Lagos.
OYIN EGBEYEMI
