My dad was a man of infinite charm, outrageously good-looking and highly cerebral. And this is not because he was my dad, it is just the way he was. He was a gentleman, giving always, including the clothes on his back. He was also very kind and a mentor to many people nationwide. As with all men, he was not perfect, but his goodness overwhelmed whatever his shortcomings were. He was just my dad, a much-loved man who gave everything to his children. In my youth, as all girls do, I searched for a man like my dad, gentle like rain, good-looking to boot and always smiling. Luckily, my husband comes close. But this is not about my husband, it’s about those qualities my father taught which I hold dear, his words, his wisdom. It may not be Fathers’ Day and it’s not even the anniversary of my father’s death, but I remember him today as if it were yesterday.
As I grow older and face the world of friends, colleagues, co-workers, serial betrayers, haters, fans and family, I can almost hear my dad’s voice and see his smile. It’s time to share his wisdom. Let’s play the “It is true” game. . . the words and thoughts of Mr. Alfred Yenisa Amodu that ring so true.
1) It is true that we must speak well, pronouncing every word clearly and being confident in the language of governance/business in Nigeria, English. My father spoke so well, clear, smooth and exciting every time he delivered a speech. He was truly my mentor, ahead of my teachers. Speaking well is a plus whatever you do. It is true, Dad. It has been a value-add.
2) It is true that you must dress as you wish to be addressed. My father never let you leave the house tarty. If your dress looked like a rag, he pulled you back. Fashion was okay as long as you did not cross the line. You were also never allowed to tie a wrapper across your bosom and turn up in public. Dressing is power; it can make or mar you. It is true, Dad.
3) It is true that it is not always those you call friends that will be of help, be with you in tough times, and celebrate with you in good times. My father always said, “A stranger can be your rescuer.” It is true, Dad.
4) It is true that shouting is not the answer to all problems. All his life I never saw my dad raise his voice but he achieved what he wanted effectively by his soft-spoken voice and his genteel attitude. We literally ate out of his hand and were afraid to hurt him. Shouting is not always the answer. There are other ways. It is true, Dad.
5) It is true that every child is different and all children must not be treated the same. My father’s parenting style in consonance with my mum was amazing. Eugenia was the one who liked to read, so he bought me many books. Eucharia liked mathematics, so he challenged her, et cetera. He, however, did everyone’s homework with them. He made the time. All children have different gifts which must be explored and encouraged. It is true, Dad.
6) It is true that your wife is your partner, not your slave, and she has a voice. I watched my dad give my mum a lot of space. She was the more outspoken of the two and she had an opinion on everything. I never saw my dad discourage her or shout her down. He will give his perspectives quietly or guide her as he had more experience. A man must give his wife a voice for her to thrive. It is true, Dad.
7) It is true that a woman who has support from her husband will always succeed whatever she chooses to do. My dad encouraged my mum, complimented her, let her go on courses and was proud of her nursing profession. Such support must never be taken for granted, must be appreciated. This is so true, Dad.
8) It is true that both father and mother must be on the same side when it comes to discipline of the children. Dad and mum must never be twisted on the little finger of their children. No should be from both sides. I agree, Dad.
9) It is true that hard work never kills you but makes you better at your job. I believe you, Dad.
10) It is true that knowledge is the singular thing that no one can take from you; that the more education you have, the more self-assured you are and the more successful. This is so true, Dad.
11) It is true that honesty, integrity, work ethics, philanthropy, kindness, empathy, mentoring, forgiveness can make a difference in the world. There is no better truth. All this is true, Dad.
12) It is true that you are better guided and more stable if you follow the tenets of your faith in whatever you do. How true, Dad!
I hold on to these, because they are so true. Thanks, Dad.
Eugenia Abu
