Why ownership, dignity, and financial independence matter more than appearances

Redefining wealth and power for women in Africa and beyond…

This past weekend, two very different stories reminded me just how much wealth, or the lack of it, shapes women’s choices, behaviours, and dignity.

The first was a Facebook post about Davido and Chioma’s recent wedding. The caption read: “Davido and Chioma inside HIS private jet.” The comment section was on fire, with people divided over the framing. Of course, we know bloggers tend to choose sensational headlines to drive clicks. For all we know, the jet is leased or owned by a company, not even by Davido personally. This is not about passing judgement on him or his lovely wife. Instead, it is a useful case study of how language can reveal something deeper — the gap between being in the picture and being in the paperwork.

The second was closer to home. Two women, both connected to a prominent man, were seen at his 60th birthday party, jostling, arguing, and fighting for his attention on the dance floor. I come from a polygamous family, so I will never disparage people’s marital choices. Life is complex; families even more so. But as with all things, principles matter. And here, the principle is ownership, dignity, and self-worth.

In the picture… But not in the paperwork

That single phrase, “in his jet” instead of “in their jet”, struck such a chord because it speaks to a wider reality many women live. You can be in the photographs, in the lifestyle, in the story… and yet not on the paperwork.

The wealth dynamics beneath the dance floor

The same dynamic shows up when women lack ownership or financial independence. The stakes of “belonging” to a man become dangerously high.

• The house you live in may not be yours.

• The lifestyle you enjoy may disappear if his affections shift.

• Even your sense of dignity may feel tethered to his status.

In that context, public confrontation, no matter how undignified, can feel like a desperate attempt to defend one’s survival.

So the real question isn’t, ‘Why would a woman fight over a man?’

It’s: Would she need to if her financial independence and ownership were secured?

Ownership beyond marriage

This is not only about polygamy or marital dynamics. The same principles apply at work and in leadership.

• Women staying silent while being underpaid because speaking up feels too risky.

• Talented professionals accept “honorary” recognition but no equity or decision-making power.

• Entrepreneurs running businesses they don’t technically own because the paperwork sits in someone else’s name.

Too many women are in the room, on the stage, or in the photos, but not in the paperwork.

Wisdom, Not War: How to Get Your Name on the Title

After my last video, a woman asked me, “How do I get my name on the title without a fight?”

It’s a powerful question. My answer: ownership requires wisdom, not war.

For some women, the issue is not total exclusion but controlled access. They live with what I call benevolent dictators — partners who provide comfort, even luxury, and grant just enough access to assets or accounts to keep things running smoothly, but never enough to create true independence.

It may feel safe in the moment. But when access is conditional, dignity is compromised. Worse, it trains women to survive on permission rather than thrive in ownership.

I’ve also seen women who technically own assets — but in secret. Hiding from a partner or family, they downplay or even disguise their holdings. While the instinct is to protect, secrecy often backfires. It isolates them from wise counsel, exposes assets to risk, and slowly erodes the confidence to build bolder.

This is a pattern I’ve witnessed time and again in my real estate work: women who could be power players remain small because their ownership is partial, conditional, or hidden.

So what can you do?

1. Have the conversation early. Don’t wait for conflict. Ask respectfully, in calm moments: “For our family’s security, can we ensure both our names are reflected on the title?”

2. Frame it as protection, not confrontation. Position it around shared legacy, children’s inheritance, or financial prudence — not suspicion.

3. Know your legal options. Understand the marital property regime in your jurisdiction. In some places, joint ownership is automatic; in others, it is not. Knowledge is power.

4. Suggest professional mediation. Sometimes a neutral adviser or lawyer can ease the process.

5. Secure independent assets wisely. If you have “little”, invest that little. Ownership doesn’t always start big. A small piece of land, a modest investment account, or a business stake can grow into lasting independence.

No raised voices. No war. Just wisdom.

The Ownership Test (Coming September)

To help women reflect more deeply, I’ve created a practical tool:

THE OWNERSHIP TEST: Whose Name Is On It? 12 Questions to Secure Your Power, Property & Prosperity.

It will be available for public download in September. Members of Radiant Collective will get early access during our August 31st Members Lounge: Power, Property, and Prosperity — Exploring the Future of Wealth and Ownership for Women Who Lead.

Food for Thought

• If you were truly independent, would you ever put yourself in the position of fighting publicly for validation?

• At work, do you show up as a silent placeholder or as an owner with equity, voice, and influence?

• Are you enjoying comfort today that you cannot sustain tomorrow if the source of wealth shifts?

• When the spotlight fades, do you still have dignity anchored in your own security?

Ownership is not just for the wealthy. It is for every woman who wants to ensure her power, property, and prosperity are protected in marriage, in business, and in leadership.

Because love is beautiful. But ownership? That’s true security.

With purpose and prosperity,

Udo Maryanne Okonjo

Udo Maryanne Okonjo is a board director, wealth strategist, and investor. As Executive Chair of Fine & Country West Africa and Founder of Radiant Collective Capital, she champions women-led wealth, impact, and legacy across Africa and beyond.