“Don’t play pretty. Win. Shove him if you have to.”
That line wasn’t born in a boardroom. It came to me at my grandson’s first birthday.
We were playing musical chairs, a room full of professionals, executives, and parents laughing over the game.
When it came down to the final two, one man and one woman, the man, usually calm and courteous, suddenly pushed her aside and claimed the chair. The room gasped and then laughed.
On the next round, I whispered to the remaining woman:
“Don’t play pretty. Win. Shove him if you have to.”
When the music stopped, she didn’t just shove—she moved the chair entirely and sat on it. The room erupted in applause.
I laughed too, but deep down, I thought, ‘That’s the posture more women need in power, business, and leadership.’
Too many women still play “pretty” in a game built for players, not passengers.
The cost of playing nice
Not long ago, a brilliant woman shared a painful story with me.
She had executed a high-stakes advisory project with a professional fee of one million dollars — fully contracted, delivered, and due. Yet when the invoice landed, the client, an ultra-wealthy man, hesitated, as though that figure was too much authority for a woman to command.
Her advisers cautioned her:
“Don’t make noise. Don’t come across as combative. You’ll be tagged as difficult.”
So she stayed silent.
Eventually, he paid, but only a fraction of what was owed.
That silence cost her more than money. The unpaid balance triggered a chain reaction: major financial obligations, vendors unsettled, and investor timelines disrupted. One man’s hesitation became an entire ecosystem of loss.
The irony is that men go to court daily over lesser sums and walk out with their reputations intact.
But women are told to “protect their image”, to stay diplomatic, and to be graceful.
Grace is good. But grace without grit is expensive. Every time a woman chooses silence over strategy, she mortgages her power and pays compound interest on her restraint.
Courage is capital
In a male-dominated world, courage isn’t just a virtue; it’s an asset class. You trade it every time you speak up in a room designed to ignore you. You multiply it every time you push back against systems that benefit from your compliance.
Courage is what makes capital move, not just financial but also social, political, and reputational capital.
It’s what separates the woman who’s merely visible from the undeniable one.
The truth is, many women don’t lose because they lack competence or character. They lose because they hesitate, they negotiate softly, they defer too early, and they internalise “be grateful” instead of “be strategic”.
From grateful to game-changer
Across sectors, from corporate to political to entrepreneurial, I’ve seen this pattern repeat itself.
Women are often overqualified but underconfident. We whisper our brilliance instead of declaring it.
We wait to be noticed rather than announcing our value.
A study by the Harvard Kennedy School found that women are 30 percent less likely than men to apply for leadership roles, even when equally qualified. And when they do take those roles, they tend to ask for 20–25 percent less compensation than their male counterparts.
That gap isn’t just about money; it’s about mindset.
Because in every system, from boardrooms to ballot boxes, confidence compounds faster than credentials.
We’ve been conditioned to believe courage is aggression, when in reality, it’s precision. Courage doesn’t always roar; sometimes it simply refuses to shrink.
Why this still matters
The numbers tell their own story.
Women make up 39 percent of the global labour force yet control less than one-third of the world’s wealth. (Source: World Economic Forum, Global Gender Gap Report 2024)
Across Africa’s listed companies, women hold only 9 percent of CEO positions and 8 percent of board-chair roles. Globally, women occupy 23 percent of board seats and 6 percent of CEO roles.
And even here in Nigeria, despite the welcome rise of female bank CEOs, ownership remains largely male. The real question is not just who manages the money, but who owns the equity.
At Radiant Collective Capital, our mission is to change that narrative — building women’s courage into capital by pooling resources, funding bold ideas, and turning wealth into influence. Because the next revolution in gender equity won’t come from slogans. It will come from ownership.
The courage ripple
When Dr Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala declared, “I am the woman for the job,” during her WTO campaign, it was more than confidence — it was capital in motion. It showed that highly competent women with the right allies could claim power unapologetically and still win global respect.
We are now seeing a ripple of this courage across Africa, from Namibia’s first female president to the growing number of women stepping into corporate boards and cabinet offices.
Each act of audacity by one woman widens the space for others.
Fighting smart
Courage doesn’t mean fighting recklessly; it means fighting strategically. It means knowing when to confront and when to collaborate. It means creating alliances, building proof, documenting agreements, and calling things by their real names, even when it’s uncomfortable.
The fight for equity is not about hating men. It’s about refusing to be intimidated by them.
If men can protect their interests, their companies, and their contracts through structure, negotiation, and law, so can women. That’s not combat. That’s competence.
A manifesto for the woman in power:
1. Own your voice. Silence doesn’t protect you. It erases you.
2. Ask for more. Negotiation isn’t greed; it’s self-governance.
3. Document everything. Structure protects courage.
4. Invest in allies. Power is never built alone.
5. Move the chair. Don’t just play the game. Redesign it.
Because courage, not compliance, is the true capital of leadership.
Power woman, this is your moment.
Your place is not only at the table. Your assignment is to expand it, defend it, and redefine how power is played.
The next time the music stops, don’t wait for permission.
Move the chair. Sit. Lead. And never apologise for taking up space.
Udo Maryanne Okonjo: Chairwoman, Fine & Country West Africa and Radiant Collective Capital. The Women, Wealth & Power Column — Challenging Norms. Creating Wealth. Changing Futures.
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