In a 2018 CBS interview, American stand-up comedian, Dave Chappelle, explained his earlier decision to walk away from his multimillion dollar show at Comedy Central and take a hiatus from working, using one of the most brilliant metaphors I have ever heard.
Comparing himself to a baboon in the Central African rainforest, Chappelle explained how baboons are caught and exploited by the bushmen who live in the same rainforest, using only the baboon’s own greed and unwillingness to resist behavioural change.
What happens is that the bushmen, who compete for freshwater with baboons and hundreds of other species in the rainforest, have figured out over time that baboons love salt. Since the bushmen are much better at obtaining salt than finding water on their own, and vice-versa for the baboons, the bushmen have devised a sneaky trick to exploit the baboons.
This trick is a variation of the same trick used in many parts of the world to catch monkeys, and as I will argue in this article, it is a version of the trick that was played by the Buhari regime earlier this week when it bestowed “National Honours” on hundreds of Nigerians.
Greed and lack of a Big Picture – Baboons do it best
The bushmen prepare a simple salt trap for the baboon, which consists of a hole in a tree and a lump of salt at the bottom of the hole. The circumference of the hole is much bigger inside than at its rim, making it possible for a passing baboon to be attracted by the salt to stick its hand in and grab it. As it closes its fist over the salt lump, however, its hand becomes too big to remove from the hole. If the baboon understands what is about to happen, it will just let go of the salt and be on its merry way. But a baboon is after all, just a baboon, so you know that is not how the story plays out.
It instead remains there, fruitlessly struggling to get its balled-up fist out of the hole with its precious salt. While it struggles unsuccessfully, a bushman arrives and throws the baboon into a cage. In there, he feeds the baboon as much salt as it wants, knowing full well that salt has a dehydrating effect. Soon the baboon has had its fill of salt and it feels extremely thirsty. The bushman then opens the cage and the baboon dashes off to find a freshwater source with the speed, dexterity and accuracy that no human can achieve. The bushmen then follow the baboon and arrive at the same freshwater source.
All that has happened in this scenario is that the baboon has done the bushmen an unsolicited favour at its own expense by leading them to a precious freshwater source that it itself needs. All it has got into the bargain is a little taste of the good life at the potential cost of a freshwater source that humans will promptly take over and possibly displace baboons from. All it needed to do to avoid this scenario was to simply unball its fist inside the salt trap and remove its hand without the salt lump. But the baboon would rather die than let go of the salt, and here is where the problem starts.
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“Let go of the salt”
To the more perceptive reader, my use of the above illustration will be immediately recognised as a metaphor for the “National Honours” ceremony that took place on Tuesday, October 11. Among the recipients of the “Honours” were young Nigerians who were in fact, less than pleased about the actions of the murderous regime handing out the pieces of paper. One of them, a self-styled thought leader whose Twitter display picture was that of the iconic bloodstained Nigerian flag that evokes memories of #EndSARS. His Twitter bio had the #EndSARS hashtag on it too.
This person – supposedly a wealthy and liquid tech industry personality – ordinarily has no reason to genuflect before a government that did not help him to get any of what he has. Unlike other classes of caged Nigerians who have been caged using the government’s capacity to buy them off or pay for their silence, this was a person who categorically does not need Nigerian government money to be comfortable or relevant in his life. So what was the Buhari regime’s trick to neutralise him as a potential threat?
The trick, like that of the salt trap used on Central African rainforest baboons, was to appeal to something that he wants, which can either be satisfied using a trap mechanism, or ignored if he wished to remain free. In this case, his “salt” was the perceived prestige and ego boost of receiving a “national honour” from his country’s Head of State.
Yes, you know, #EndSARS and all that, but do you know how much of a big deal it is to get a MON? Standing on principle and moral consistency be damned! Now that he and others of his age group accepted the Greek gifts from the Buhari regime, they have forever been silenced as effective opposition to pro-reform voices.
One hopes that someday, young Nigerians will learn to do the same thing that Dave Chappelle did all those years ago – let go of the salt.
