Ann catches a glimpse of her gate as it finally comes into view and heaves a huge sigh of relief. At long last, the Lagos madness is behind her and she can have some peace and quiet. The day has been particularly trying. Another bashed bumper in a month! No thanks to the silly bus driver who felt he owned the road and wouldn’t use his lights correctly. Her husband would be mad, she knew, but she couldn’t control every road user now, could she?
Her husband is home, wouldn’t have been past five or ten minutes as his car bonnet is still hot from the rummaging of the engine all day long. It’s nearly 9pm and she has to prepare dinner from the very start as she has nothing readily available. As she slips off her heels, stretching her feet, she calls out to her husband for help. As usual, he grunts a reply back and says he has some urgent work to finish before tomorrow.
“Like I do not have any carry-over tasks from work myself’’, she retorts sharply angry and exhausted all at once. Suffice it to say that the evening took a downhill turn from then. “So much for peace and quiet after an eventful day in this Lagos.’’
When it comes to house chores in a home, where do couples draw a shared line especially when there is no domestic staff available? Which responsibilities does the man assume and which ones are reserved for his wife? Who takes out the trash? Who does the dishes? Who cooks the food? Who bathes the kids when they come? Who sets the table? Who does the laundry and so on?
In as much as these seem trivial, the ability of a couple to navigate vital and everyday tasks such as these contribute largely to how happy and fulfilled they are in their marriage. Researchers say that conflicts arising from disagreements with household chores and participation in them are second only to financial conflicts in marriages.
In Africa, the issue of sharing house chores is more complex as traditional African roles restrict the making and keeping of a home to the woman. However, in today’s world, men and women are equally going out to fend for their families financially and has thrown a common ground beneath them both. So a man comes home from a gruelling day at work and so does his wife. And while she has to prepare meals and tidy the home, resentment begins to build when she feels she needs some help and she is getting none whereas she may be contributing financially to the upkeep of the home alongside her man. When kids are born into the home, this job can become even more tasking.
There are many theories out there regarding how to divide house chores between couples to ensure equal participation in them. I believe the borderline really is to know in what areas your partner is having a difficult time and helping out. Maybe you both come in late today; you can help prepare dinner or wash the dishes afterwards. You can help do the laundry if it’s too much this weekend.
Marriage is a partnership between two willing people and should be treated as such. I believe it’s not even a 50-50 partnership but a 100-100 partnership where both parties give their best and their all to create the rich, happy and fulfilling life they have in mind when they say “I do’’.
KOSISO UGWUEDE
