It is worrisome knowing that ethics and values are diminishing and declining each passing day in the lives of children, teenagers and young adults. An adult said, “a child can’t go on an errand for you nowadays without expecting something from you in return. They keep the change away without your consent and even when you ask for it, they find it difficult to give it to you. What is wrong with this generation? It wasn’t so in our time.” He lamented.
Another adult joined in and said “when we were children, we were always ready for our parents arrival from work. Once we hear our dad’s footsteps, we all run helter skelter, to keep everywhere in order so that we don’t get into trouble but just yesterday, when I got home from work, my children were watching a program on TV, I walked into the living room and they didn’t even notice or purposely ignored my presence. I had to stamp my foot to catch their attention.” He looked wearily at those he was having the conversation and said “Do you know what my children said to me? They said shhhhh!! daddy you are projecting too loud” and he said he felt like giving each of them a knock on their head. He angrily turned off the TV and scolded them.
I couldn’t help but attest to what they said. I am not entirely a victim but I also wouldn’t exempt myself. There are two parties involved here. The parents and the children and either of them can be judged guilty. As a parent if you close your eyes to your children’s morals, attitude, or behavior and concentrate on their education alone, soon you will discover that you have failed as a parent however, we the young ones must adhere to our parent’s advice and not regard discipline as an act of wickedness.
The problem with the society at large is that, there is no parent-children relationship. There is more to being a parent than paying a child’s school fees. children change when they become teenagers, especially the female child. She tends to have mood swings. One minute she is happy and the next she is moody or crying over something irrelevant. It is the duty of parents to be sensitive and know when their daughter or son is changing both physically, psychologically and every other way. You have a more pressing responsibility of making your children feel loved. A hug, peck or kiss wouldn’t hurt once in a while so someone doesn’t lure them with it outside.
Chatting with them and catching up with what’s going on in their life wouldn’t be a bad idea. Fathers can hang out with their daughters, and give them relationship tips and dissuade from entering into a relationship at an abnormally early age. If we can do all these, then the rate of unwanted pregnancies, rape, sexual harassment and the likes will reduce. Most importantly, the ethics and values that are lacking will gradually find its way back into the home.
I want to digress a bit. A friend once confided and me and said “I was desperate to be loved; I wanted someone to love me. I wanted someone to ask me how my day was, how I was feeling. So I agreed to the first guy that asked me out. He was very caring. He filled those vacuum my parents weren’t able to fill. He always called, texted, bought me things and gifts. And I fell for him. After he had sex with me a couple of times, he changed. He stopped caring. And after a while he finally stopped calling. That was when I realized I was pregnant. He denied the pregnancy. At that period I was really confused, I had no one to talk to, I thought of abortion and also of suicide. In no time the pregnancy protruded and it was something I couldn’t hide anymore. My parents were angry beyond bounds and they took me to a far distance place to give birth. My child is grown, I am not embarrassed about her, but she is a reminder of my past and the mistake I made”.
The story touches me any time I think and remember it. But then what if the parents had shown love to her? What if they didn’t just concentrate on giving her education alone? What if they thought her things that she needed to know? What if they had prepared her for things that were likely to come? What if she had been imbibed with the African ethics, values and morals which most people regard as old fashioned? Same question is asked of all of us. Are we imbibing our children with the right ethics and values? For the children, are we living by the ethics and values?
CHINYERE OKEKE
