The Sunday brunch at “The Eagle”, the oldest pub in Cambridge, is awesome. It is always packed largely on account of the free champagne made available for retired partners of KPMG who are still waiting for their gratuity and pension. It is located at 8 Benet Street, Cambridge CB23QN. We were having a swell time until our attention was distracted by invaders who were already worse for wear and drink. They had been revelling all night at the Magdalene College May Ball.
Here is the witness statement provided by Julian Assange of Wikileaks: “Magdalene College sits across the River Cam and down from Castle Hill, Cambridge. When the college acted as a monastery before 1542, the River Cam functioned as the barrier keeping the monks away from the temptations of Cambridge town. Madgalene now has buildings on both sides of the river and includes four main sections: the main site, The Village, Quayside and Cripps Court.”
It was left to Edward Snowden (formerly a consultant with NSA in the United States of America) who is now a refugee in Russia to add: “Magdalene College’s famous May Ball has been a biennial fixture since 1911. It has a firmly established reputation as the most lavish and prestigious ball in Cambridge for several reasons. It is the only remaining Cambridge ball to always insist on white tie dress code and it is the only ball in Cambridge to sell a majority of dining tickets over non-dining. Amongst its honorary fellows are Benjamin Britten, composer, conductor and pianist; TS Eliot, essayist, playwright, publisher, poet, literary and social critic; Thomas Hardy, novelist and poet; Seamus Heaney, Irish poet, playwright and the recipient of the 1995 Nobel Prize in Literature; Rudyard Kipling, poet and story-teller (who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1907), and Nelson Mandela, former president of South Africa.”
The College’s most famous alumnus is Samuel Pepys, whose papers and books were donated to the college upon his death and are now housed in the Pepys Building.
However, Rudyard Kipling towers above all else with the eternal masterpiece “If”.
The invaders were quite a sight to behold. They were thoroughly dishevelled and had guzzled far too much Bollinger champagne than was good for them. But they still wanted more!
They proceeded to chant in unison the confession of Madame Bollinger: “I drink champagne when I am happy and when I am sad / Sometimes, I drink it when I am alone / When I have company, I consider it obligatory / I trifle with it if I am not hungry and drink it when I am / Otherwise, I never touch it… / Unless I am thirsty.”
The encounter took us back fifty years when it was the children (Vanessa and Simon) of Viscount Head GCMG, CBE, the former British High Commissioner to Nigeria (1960-1963) who were then at Cambridge University that had invited us to the Magdalene Ball. The following year we were back as guests of the inimitable Babatunde Williams at the May Ball of Christ’s College, where he was reading Law. We sure had a ball! We are sworn to secrecy that under no circumstances would we reveal the identity of one our friends who, after the May Ball at Magdalene College, went punting on the River Cam with a young lady from Lady Margaret Hall. He did not know her name but proposed to her all the same.
To his utter horror and astonishment, she merrily accepted! Thankfully, they are still married and are living happily in Hong Kong. She is a medical doctor with a thriving practice while he has graduated (armed with a double first in mathematics from Magdalene College) from being an unrepentant banker to a private equity mogul.
Regardless of the witticism of Oscar Wilde, “Self advertisement is the worst form of recommendation”, Magdalene College has been vigorously promoting itself on “Radio Tatoo” courtesy of Phillida O’Neil (2nd year Natural Sciences) Wirral: “Magdalene College is the fourth smallest, third oldest, second to none and the only Oxbridge college with a white tie May Ball, Magdalene is easily the best college in Cambridge. Whichever college you choose will have its very own unique atmosphere but there’s just something about Magdalene that makes you fall in love with it almost immediately. Founded in 1428, Magdalene is one of the more traditional colleges and has retained that charm you would expect from Cambridge, but with a cheeky twist on things. In just one night you can be all gowned-up enjoying a meal in formal hall (for a mere £4.70), then suddenly you’re in the bar singing karaoke wondering how on earth some people made it through the choir auditions, before heading out en masse to see what nightlife Cambridge has to offer.”
The male invaders from Mars and their female accomplices who were clearly from Venus (going by John Gray’s bestselling book – Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus) were raving about “Radio Tatoo” which apparently is all about late Fela Ransome-Kuti, the Nigerian-born music legend and his twenty-seven wives. Fela apparently had a tattoo which was visible to only his twenty-seven wives (and wifelets). All of a sudden, “Radio Tatoo” which started off as a prank on the eve of the Magdalene Ball has taken over Cambridge and its environs like a hurricane. It’s a 24-hour broadcast of Fela’s music and philosophy interspersed with reading from Patrick Dele-Cole’s book “Victoria Lagos and the Elite”.
While Fela remains the inspiration and anchor sheet of the radio show which is “livestream”, Dele-Cole (ex King’s College, Cambridge University) is being showered with fulsome accolades and encomiums for having the guts to insist that Fela’s genius deserves the international recognition which started with “Fela On Broadway” and has now taken Cambridge by storm.
It is Patrick’s contemporaries at Cambridge, who now wield enormous influence, that are adamant that it takes a real genius to recognise another and by that token Patrick Dele-Cole with his cerebral interventions has earned a foothold in the pantheon of geniuses. You cannot fault their logic.
What is even more intriguing is the speculation that “Radio Tatoo” instead of scrapping for “cloud funding” has a very generous sponsor with deep pockets. Nobody fits the bill better than 93-year-old Francoise Gilot who was the muse and lover of the icon of abstract art – Pablo Picasso. She had two children – a daughter Paloma and a son Claude – with the great artist and hedonist. She is still the talk of Cambridge on account of her remarkable adventure. She had graduated with a degree in English from Cambridge University when at the age of 21 she met Picasso, then 61 in 1944. She later married the American vaccine pioneer, Jonas Salk.
Anyway, the talk of the town in Cambridge is that Patrick is insistent that the content of “Radio Tatoo” must be expanded to include interventions from Ta-Nehisi Coates, the author of “Between the World and Me”.
According to a reviewer, “It is a dark, angry and eloquent meditation on the state of being black in America. He goes on to make a powerful case for reparation for American blacks who were the victims of slavery.”
Another contender is Angus Deaton, the British-American economist who was recently awarded the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences for his analysis of consumption, poverty and welfare. He is a fellow at Fitzwilliam College, Cambridge University, where he earned his B.A.; M.A.; and DPhil degrees.
Clearly, “Radio Tatoo” is in imminent danger of being overcrowded with geniuses but the inimitable Fela is still blowing his saxophone (and trumpet) while Patrick insists on wielding his powerful pen.
J.K Randle
