“I didn’t say that: you just thought I said it”.
“Don’t blame me…you’re the one who never says what you mean”.
“No you’re the one who never listens!”…
The accusation and counter accusation goes on and on until someone gets hurt.
This is an avoidable situation. All it takes is for someone to listen attentively.
The month of March is marked as International Listening Awareness month. The essence is to reinforce the power of listening. Effective listening has been proven to be highly desired for better communal and national life.
The good book says, ‘The wise man learns by listening’. When it comes to listening, lots of opportunities abound for everyone.
Unfortunately, a good number of challenges face people in the area of listening, leading and learning especially in today’s digital work place.
Ours is a crazy world such that we have become overwhelmed by digital gadgets and midgets that keep us connected but isolated! The result is that we are finding it difficult to listen.
Most people multitask every day, all year round, yet they claim to be good listeners. They are victims of constant distractions from the ringing of the phone to the buzzing of the social media. All these diminish their ability to do their best at work. They speak even before they think. They take wrong notes and ask irrelevant questions, if at all. They have their devices struggling for their short attention span at the expense of their diligence.
They are slaves to their phones, computers and tablets. They are overloaded with information from the rapidly evolving technology. In a bid to keep up with these challenges, they lose softer skills such as effective communication, ability to inspire others and manage change.
Lack of listening is a wall that blocks off communication but the act of listening keeps the communication channel vibrant. When you honestly pay attention and listen you improve communication, prosper relations and get tasks accomplished.
Here are few tips to help you.
1. Ask questions. Always ask for clarifications when in doubt. Try to determine precisely what is being said to you otherwise you create room for anger, confusion, mistrust, misunderstanding and frustration.
2. Be silent. Remember that words are the window into the soul. Without words, our deepest thoughts and innermost feelings would lack form and expression.
However, we need to listen carefully in order to hear what is being said. Thus, we are required to be silent.
Now, let’s play the juggling game. When you juggle the word ‘SILENT’ what do you get? ‘LISTEN!’. Eureka! I do not know whether you share my excitement in this discovery but I do know that nature requires us to be silent so that we can listen.
3. Be prudent with words. Excessive talking portrays one in bad light but those who say little appear very smart even if they aren’t. But always know where to draw the line between manipulation and communication. Silence is not always golden, you know. For instance, when your listener is silent because you have deeply him/her, the more you try to talk, the more the person withdraws into his /her shell. That may make you feel worthless, wounded and worked up. In fact, you may find yourself shouting or even becoming violent. All these can only aggravate the situation. At this point, the person can hear you loud and clear but can’t listen to any word you say. So be wise.
4. Draw a line between listening and hearing. Hearing is not listening.
Hearing is when you are not being empathic towards the other person. You are not interested in another person’s feelings and opinions. You do not care to understand. Hearing is not being able to reiterate what is being said to you. Your preoccupation is prejudice and pride. You are busy passing judgment on the other person, what he is saying and how he is saying it.
Hearing is being absorbed in thought and impatiently waiting to interject and interrupt the other person. It does not give you the opportunity to learn. Your concerns are what you want and think. People are scared away by your non-listening habit. They tend to shut the doors to their lives from you because they believe you do not care and therefore should not be trusted.
Hearing robs you of the opportunity to grab salient messages from your client, colleagues and relatives.
It closes your eye to glaring body language that speaks louder than words.
Hearing creates room for facts, information and other details to elude you.
It may equally interest you to know that the listener, not the talker controls the conversation. The listener is the one who does the paraphrasing and by reiterating and summarizing what the other person says the conversation flows smoothly.
Experts remind us that gender differences, individual differences and several other intervening variables can affect your listening habit and that of others. But even if we are all wired differently, we are not wired wrongly. Every individual is unique. We only need to be bilingual to fluently speak each other’s language for peace, prosperity and progress.
Please look, listen and learn!.
CHIAMAKA BOBBY-UMEANO
