I resonate with Tim Lahaye’s story about a pair of identical twins in his class . In his book, “Why You Act The Way You Do”, he further explained how the twins look alike and have the same IQ score ! Yet, ‘one was personable, the other withdrew from people. One loved sports, history and literature; the other preferred math,physics, and language…What made the difference…Their temperaments?’, he concluded.
Tim Lahaye’s theory of Temperament defines temperament as ‘the combination of traits we inherited from our parents’.
Last week when I wrote about ‘Parenting; Communication Counts’, I promised to talk about your child’s temperament. Why is it necessary ?
Parents desire to connect with their children.
By exchanging ideas and feelings, both verbally and nonverbally, most children learn to communicate, establish trust and maintain positive development.
What happens when you do not understand your child and why he/she acts in a peculiar manner?
Positive parenting that includes consistent communication ensures that you support your child’s healthy development. It includes being able to empathize with your child, while inculcating self control and a sense of responsibility.
Even though you can model good behaviour by the way you talk and by your actions, including the way you treat your child and others. It is equally important to know your child and his/her temperament. This will enable you to understand your child such that your expectations will not exceed his/her capability.
When you know why your child acts the way he/she does, you will be in a better position to provide appropriate guidance. You can determine the most effective type of discipline and how the child will respond. In fact, you can create a stronger parent-child bond because you understand your child’s emotional intensity, level of activity, social habits and other behavioural processes.
Remember that your child is a ‘little adult’ thus, when you understand his/her temperament and respect such uniqueness, communication becomes better.
Nonetheless, never allow the flaws of your own temperament to negatively affect your parenting style.
Learn to make your points clear and simple. Always listen to your child’s point of view; they have a voice too, but it is your duty to set limits. By so doing, your child will learn self control and tolerance. Join me next week as we properly identify your child’s temperament blends and how you can work with their personality strengths and weaknesses.
CHIAMAKA BOBBY-UMEANO
