…Ekama Akpan reveals joy of a mother on daughter’s wedding day
It was a display of culture and family values in Port Harcourt, Rivers State capital, on the day one of the movers and shakers of the Garden City society gave out her daughter in marriage.
Ekama Emilia Akpan is an education investor and prominent leader in the Manufacturers Association of Nigeria (MAN), as well as a board member of the Small and Medium Enterprises Development Agency of Nigeria (SMEDAN) for many years until recently.
She has not only groomed many layers of scholars and record breakers in the Cambridge examinations, she has also remained a voice in the Manufacturers Association of Nigeria (MAN) for youth and the women for decades. Most of her students through the Showers International Christian Schools are said to make waves around the world. This, coupled with her pastor-husband, Anthony Akpan, a calm and intelligent retired oil engineer, the family has remained a model and centre of proper upbringing in the Niger Delta region, making the Akpans the face of Port Harcourt’s grace.
This thus makes events in her life especially weddings to be huge attraction of guests from many places across the globe. What however is usually on display is what excellent family upbringing brings in a new home.
Thus, when her daughter, Judith, known for years as Mummy’s last baby, transferred her love and submission to Ayodeji Tokimi from Akure in Ondo State, it was thus the coming together of not just two cultures but values of two family systems.
Happy thus were dignitaries from Ekit Itam 11 in Itu local council area of Akwa Ibom State and the people of Akure South local council area of Ondo State, as well as the Port Harcourt people made up of those that have been part of the life journey of the Akpans: business tycoon, investors, men of God, oil workers, etc.
Friday before the white wedding day, the expansive home of the Akpans played host to the traditional wedding as the Ondo young man sought to tie the knot with his Efik bride.
The ceremony began with the recognition of special guests by the Master of Ceremonies followed by exciting activities including display of cuisines from the Akwa-Cross zone of Nigeria, something grooms’ families look up to when coming to pick a wife from the Akpans. Dances and attires also caused a wave. Enikan Akere, a professor, who chaired the day, was at his best in setting the tone of the kind of families that were to form a new family through Judith and Ayodeji.no doubt, the atmosphere was breathtaking, enhanced by the vibrant cultural display of the Ekombi dance performed by a group of Akwa Ibom dancers.
Shortly after, the groom made a grand entry with his friends, accompanied by music in the background. His attire was both outstanding and elegant, capturing the admiration of the guests.
Following his arrival, the bride made her entry with even louder display alongside her friends, gracefully dancing to a song playing in the background. The celebration continued with rich cultural displays, marking the union of two traditions in a memorable event.
The next day, a Saturday, both bride and groom stepped out in their wedding bests, but family values and rules of decency dictated the day. Modesty was in the air despite the reality of both parents.
From church to reception, Akure and Akwa Ibom cultures and family values of respect, decency, maximization of any asset, and fear of God in everything, blended with civilization, care, and prosperity. Most of the children around flew in from various parts of the world to celebrate Judith and Ayodeji who worked hard through school and life to make set up their own home.
At the end of it all, a happy Ekama Akpan examined the takeaways, saying the first lesson is the duty of parents to impose their personality on their offspring for continuity of the family values and lineage. “You pamper a child with one hand, and discipline him/her with the other child. Your child must be assisted to look what her values are.
“Judith will cook, tidy up, and not wait for me. The children we brought up will dress up a child the way we did, in my Efik and Akwa-Cross tradition. The way a child dresses will tell how she was brought up.”
The industrialist and education mentor said in Judiths’ university days, she put her hands to task, sewing and making dresses. She held a fashion exhibition too and got an ‘A’. Also, her dresses for her wedding showed respect for God. No boobs, etc, she added.
“Another thing for children is, it is not what you say but what you do that they copy. Some fathers would put their feet down and say, if you are pregnant, I will not escort you to the isles.
“Parents say a lot without doing much. What did your father say, and what does your father do? Judith was careful to blend fashion with character.”
Ekama poured prayers, saying: “My prayer for her is for her to be like Ruth in the Bible. She will be the wife that would say, where you go, I go; your God will be my God. You can see that at the end, the cunning mother-in-law nurtured Ruth to greatness and into a big place in Bible history; great grandmother of Jesus Christ.”
Now down to earth, Ekama Akpan counselled all daughters: “Be lover to your husband and give him everything he needs. If you want to be a mother to him, give him your chest to cry on. It is not weakness on his part to cry on your chest. Make it very easy for your husband to show his nakedness (as he is) before you. If he is broke, make it easy for him to confess it and feel safe in your hands being broke. Learn to quietly put money into his wallet without exposing his nakedness or making him feel humiliated. So, I told her to be like that and much more.”
She said the family welcoming her daughter looks capable and well-ordered too. “The father of the groom was emotional that day because he had lost his wife and his son was not seeing his mother on such a day. He said, now my son will be happy.”
Were Mummy’s children out to show solidarity to her on such a day, coming from all over to be present? “More than that. My children coming does not just represent solidarity with me because even if I told them not to come, they will not agree. To them, it’s their sister’s wedding. They spent much, they brought the timber and calibre. It was team work in action, all to make the statement; our younger sister is wedding.
“They brought all their children and turned it to celebration. They didn’t tell me they were bringing them. They hid things from me and suddenly unveiled the children to me, from wherever. My heart tumbled, summersaulted. I said; you people are wicked. They enjoyed it.
“Growing up, they saw that I never differentiated people.”
Joy of a mother:
A mother can only have joy on her daughter’s wedding day if she did her job well as a groomer. It’s not the gifts the groom brings that will be the mom’s joy but the value her daughter carries with her. She said this is what many people will perceive on the wedding day.
So, to Mummy, the wedding represents multiplication principle. “If you are getting older, as the Bible said, you produce your type in any child you reproduce. The wedding was a big celebration. It was overwhelming by the goodwill that came from people.
“Above all, I was happy that this child was able to do what I did when I was younger and what I teach my mentees to do: producing.
“Best is the way she carries herself. It is important for a child to represent the values of her upbringing. On that day, it was joy of a mother to hand over.”
Ekama said the evidence is there that she will do the same thing for her own children. “I was very happy and just sat down and watched everything. My husband was very proud. The father of the groom was swallowed in happiness; the ambience.
“Apart from making top grades in the university in computer science, Judith is good with her hands. She made most of the things and dresses used for her wedding. She organized everything. It worked so well. Even when I was getting anxious, trying to do things, she would say, ‘Mummy, just relax. Everything will be done’.
“This is the joy of a mother (parents) to see that their child can handle things, can be dependable and independent.”
