It’s the moment that life truly hits you, the good bits are really good and the bad bits really bad. But why do our teenage years have to be like this? But expert believes that teenagers are nature’s greatest achievement write ANN AGBAJE
One cold night last April, Chinyere Nwangwu angrily ran out of her parents’ home. This is not the first time she would be forced to take such decision but tonight she vowed never to return home. Her destination this evening is her Aunty’s place on Aboyade Cole Street. “Is it s crime to be a teenager,” she tearfully asked her Aunty after she had narrated her ordeal.
Breaking rules, arguing, wrong crowd, smoking, girlfriend or boyfriend issues are some of the attendant problems that come with teenage years. Parents are very particular about whom their children relate to and the kind of company they keep at this crucial stage of their lives. But teenagers don’t see this concern for their well being as a welcome development rather they think their parents are poking into their affairs. Often, this can push a parent’s patience, while some teenagers unfortunately go as far as blatantly flouting parents’ rules or breaking the law, often with tragic results, others become withdrawn and keep to themselves.
Sociologists say all teens go through similar phases such as the need for independence, a separate identity, testing authority, which is part of growing up; it’s also linked to developmental changes in the brain that will eventually help them become analytical adults. Simon Egbeyemi Peters, doctor and counsellor with a private clinic, says starting an open and frank discussion about drugs, sex, self-esteem, and other vital issues among teens is something that should be courageously done by parents and wards.
“I know and think young people, for the first time, can realise that they can think one thing and say another, that their thoughts are private. Ideally, we begin preparing for adolescence when our children are very young, when we listen and respond, giving them opportunities for them to respond. Sharing in this way, by starting when children are small, listening to them and involving them in decision-making, we prepare the way for better communication once they become adolescents,” he says.
Bunmi Odusanwo, a parent and counsellor says misbehaviour in teenagers has more of an evolutionary quest and aims to explain why teenagers are the way they are. Why they are rude. Why they take drugs and have sex. Why girls mature before boys. Why boys eat all the time. And why they all find it impossible to get out of bed.
“We’ve become blind to the fact that our teenage years are, in fact, the most dramatic, intense and exciting of our lives,” she says. “We shouldn’t be criticising teenagers, we should be celebrating them.” Odusanwo also refuses to condemn teenage drug-taking, in teenagers she says parents should try to understand the reasons behind it instead: “We have to be realistic – people take drugs because they enjoy them,” she explains.
As a secondary school teacher and guidance counsellor Ebele Nnaeto is more biological in her approach in tackling this issue. She explains that teenagers are semi-children as well as semi-adults because of the physical changes taking place in their bodies. “They are conscious that they are no longer children. So, they want to be made to feel important. If their parents and people close to them do not treat them as important by involving them in decision-making, they become disagreeable, revolt and begin to seek that self-importance outside the home. Some take to drugs, alcohol or relationships with the opposite sex,” she explains.
However, medical experts are of the opinion that during the teenage years, the area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex is developing. This is the part of the brain that is behind the forehead. It’s the thinking cap and judgment centre which makes teenagers can now develop their own ideals and ideas. In essence, whereas younger children don’t see the flaws in their parents, adolescents suddenly see the world more realistically.
“They construct an ideal of what parents should be, based on their friends’ parents, on media parents,” says Egbeyemi Peters. “When they compare their own parents to the ideal, they find them wanting. As a child evolves into a teenager, the brain becomes able to synthesise information into ideas. Teens want to exercise their new skill and they tend to practice on their parents. “It may seem that they argue for the sake of arguing, but really, they’re practicing their new abilities.”
Teenagers like Joan Obembe at 16 says they are in a world of their own as parents don’t have much time for her as a result of their job. “My parents are bankers and I can’t say I’m close to either of them,” she explains smiling coyly. “I discuss issues in my life with friends. I’ve made some mistakes even at 16, I’ve been to some places where I shouldn’t have been and with friends that got me into trouble. I won’t say I’ve been raped before but an attempt has been made but I was rescued on time. But my parents did not know this, and I don’t know how to tell them.”
On the other hand, a teenager like Femi Elede finds it extremely hard to share his feelings or emotion in the public regardless of who the person is. “See, every teens have issues, but mine is not peculiar, I feel nobody understands me, not my parents, friends, relative, etc. I have so many questions to ask but about many things but I can’t do it. It’s not that I’m shy, I just can’t share my feelings with anyone, and I don’t know how to deal with these issues,” he confesses.
The job of parents, it transpires, is to look after teenagers while they are incubating their extraordinary craniums. “Adolescence is the reason we live so long, long, long,” Odusanwo says. “Human longevity has evolved because we need to bring up our intensely supported, slowly developing offspring. Basically, once you’ve passed your teenage years your only function is to care for teenagers. They’re on the way in “you’re on the way out.”
