When a salesman approaches a prospect, it takes less than seven seconds for the latter to form a first impression of the former. The maxim of tales ties tell, stems from the fact that when you look at a person, you most often look at the face first. For a man dressed for work, the first “character” you see is just below the face and that is his tie. And it is generally believed that red is good to the face; as such, it is good to have some red in the tie.
We talk about character with the understanding that, as Brian Tracy points out, one’s clothing, most often, covers 95% of one’s body. In effect, your clothing tells a lot of who you are. Thus in terms of character, your clothing tells a long tale.
The power of self image is sufficiently commanding when prospecting or seeking to influence others, or wield power over them that it represents different – comfortable – degrees in the spectra of scale for both scholars and public relations practitioners.
Sometimes, people with good self carriage or charisma could be mistaken for arrogant. They could look snobbish because of the fact of self contentment. Because they depend mostly on themselves, there is the tendency to be self contained, to the seeming exclusion of those around them. But this is not the case. The difference is usually that with all his self weight, the commanding personality has a way of putting up a genuine smile when it matters most. And the prize is often getting people to do the things they – the magnetic people – want.
But how do people “wear ties” that tell good tales about them? There are some tips. The first is that you must believe you are a star. By not only knowing that every man, woman, no matter how highly placed, has a failure; a secret; a weakness, yet they are successful, are respected, you too can command the same magic. All men, women are born with the same body anatomy. What makes the difference is what one makes of one’s self.
Only believe. Then set goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. You must be proactive; must be decisive and try to be as precise as possible. Treat each person you meet as if he or she is truly important. You’ll be amazed how this works. Give before you take. Do the boss’ job without getting paid for it. Help someone without an expectation of anything in return. Be passionate about what you do – and instead of focusing on a payment – focus on what value you can give first. Life has an uncanny ability to reward those who reward others. Sometimes it only takes longer than most people are prepared to wait.
Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Be caring. Use sincere flattery. People do respond to flattery. But if you don’t feel it, don’t say it. Sum up or restate often to make sure you understand what has just been said.
The power of self carriage, self esteem, self worth, comes handy especially when a prospect has to choose between two offers of the same value and price. And because of intense competition, such scenarios occur most of the time. This is why this factor in prospecting must be taken very seriously. It must be massaged and groomed.
One important factor that diminishes the light in building self confidence is fear. And fear is actually more imagined than real. Brian Tracy for example, defines fear as Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real (FEAR). Most times, fear is concocted by what we see of ourselves. A negative self esteem usually results in constantly putting one’s self down. The person with low self esteem may just foolishly believe that no one likes him/her.
Mc Kay and Fanning (1987) see the problem of low esteem as that of the “critic.” They insist that the critic could be others or one’s self. “And it cajoles one into doing what is right or what is necessary to achieve some goal. You may even think you need a haranguing critic to make you be good! However, every time you think the critic is helpful, the bitchy, nasty critic is reinforced and becomes more likely to attack you again and again until you dislike yourself…”
Indeed, it takes a total understanding of one’s inner being to be able to handle this self-put-down. Otto Rank (1884) noted that “the organized sense of who and what you are, helps to minimize fear.” So, one can easily see that ultimately, the power to command attention, respect, goodwill and followership rests in one’s own hands. Only the Grace of God can be added to this.
Chuba Keshi
