My uber-postmodern daughter who is into alternative music and smart on pop culture introduced the word along with her sisters into the family lexicon nearly three months ago. Mad oh falls off Donatella’s lips like she created it and it is something she says often. As I am three years shy of sixty, I am careful not to sound inappropriate and therefore use new words in the pop culture landscape with much caution. But I have four young daughters out and about in my residence and honestly some of these things simply seep into your old traditional words and settle in. Mad Oh is one of them. Although I use it sparingly and more in private among my family than in the public, I find it captures quite succinctly the recent unbelievable weekend bank robbery in Abuja.
It was simply a story straight out of one of my favourite TV shows when I was young, Tales of the unexpected. Bizarre as it was, it shook Abuja to its core. Daylight bank robbery on a weekend. When I heard, I could not help asking myself what psychotropic substance they were on to make them think this heist was going to be a walk in the park. The police who stormed First Bank Mpape along with their military counterparts from Guard’s brigade are to be commended for an excellent job.
So these robbers with ages ranging from 19 to 30 felt it would be a piece of cake to walk into a bank on Saturday and get their Christmas gift. Ridiculous. Whatever they were high on had them believe they were in a Rose garden where everything was mushy and colourful. No danger at all and they would float out of the bank with N7 million. Really? Clearly their reality had been blurred and when they were caught after being besieged and smoked out, they all surrendered with a whimper. What happened? I thought these were daring do devil may care guys, just testing their machismo on a local First Bank in Mpape. And as a writer, I imagined they would then move on to bigger things and we will read about them in fear. But they had their balls smashed at Mpape, one person down and four in the net and one on the run. Guys, Guys! For me this has to throw up the many books on how not to rob a bank and some of the tales of foolish robbery attempts in history.
I am even now more intrigued than ever before that this phrase Mad Oh has now found its way into the Urban dictionary attributed to Nigeria, off the streets of Lagos. It is defined as an expression of surprise, shock or astonishment often caused by something unexpected or mind-blowing
Let us even attempt to profile them and their patterns.
First is the robber who fell. Patrick. According to his robber colleagues, now often referred to as “failed robbers” Patrick said he could fight and was taller so volunteered to stand at the gate as watchman. He is also said to have provided the guns for this robbery. I am trying to make sense of this. “Could fight, was tall.” I don’t understand. Fight with whom? Gun totting men of the law? What kind of fight did he envision? The end they say justifies the means so Patrick took the bullet for all.
The 2nd is Elijah reported age by the police, 19. I wondered all evening long when I heard his age. 19 year-old in a foolish bank robbery. But at his age, it is sometimes easy to forgive foolishness but not wrong doing. Because at 19, he is expected to know wrong from right. Now his life is stretched ahead of him in such sorrow. Messed up at 19. Tragic. What did he need all this money for? Shoes, girls, phone, fast cars or to pay school fees? Whatever it was, the very idea was foolish in the main and he could have taken a sprint from these bad boys to preserve his life. Did anyone notice that he is the one singing the most like a canary? His age has a lot to do with this. Also I do not think it has sunk in yet how deeply in trouble he is. He may be thinking in his 19-year-old mind that this will all go away soon. Sad!
There is also Obinna, the photographer whose age is given at 24 and Timothy Joe, 21. Children all, led by one man described as the mastermind and a staff of the bank. Enter the guy with big ideas for getting rich, Mafioso Larry Ehizo 30, who disabled CCTV cameras, drove the gang to the bank and gave out enough information for what he believed will be their New Year gift from God. Ehizo at 30 years old working in the Customer service unit of his bank did not understand that his entire action is not only at complete variance with his customer service training but that the consequences will live with him for the rest of his life. Please take a look at the lives he is taking down with him. Young men at the beginning of their lives. Our chief execution officer who it will seem to me sees himself as some sort of film star is now speaking in strange parables telling everyone who cares to listen that in fact he was just an optional extra in the movie and the lead actor is a man named Ernest who is now at large. Really Ehizo? Which one of us in this nation called Nigeria looks like an idiot to you? I take that back. Lol.
While there are quite a number of idiots, we are certainly not all idiots. So say that again? Oh okay. Ernest told you if you did not do it, he will wipe out your family. Really? Wow! As a screenplay writer, I might get some money off this kind of weird script, I am just wondering which film producer will come along. As the story gets weirder, Ehizo attempts to point a finger at another person as the mastermind, before his gang members all describe his action in helping them gain entrance. Please what was the process for hiring this customer service officer who has now “fallen” the hand of those who interviewed him? Customer service is for brand protection. Ehizo, please explain how you understood it when you were hired.
Just looking at the entire saga, I know there is much more to come and it is still unravelling. Let’s keep our eyes on this unfolding story.
I am even now more intrigued than ever before that this phrase Mad Oh has now found its way into the Urban dictionary attributed to Nigeria, off the streets of Lagos. It is defined as “an expression of surprise, shock or astonishment often caused by something unexpected or mind-blowing”. See how it ticks all the boxes for this robbery incident. That Abuja weekend bank robbery Post Christmas of 2019, Mad Oh!
