I recently had a minor dispute with a five-year old. It was very interesting and ended up becoming quite deep because it became glaringly obvious that my childhood was significantly different from that of today’s children.
When I was this child’s age, my relationship with most adults, especially those outside my family, was pretty straightforward: “Do what you are told, do not ask why, do not complain, do not dare explain yourself, just do it, and do it quietly.”
The cause of this dispute was a broken promise: I had promised this child that I would feature him in a video, and then changed my mind about it at the very last minute because I found another who I thought would perform better. The former child is very playful and easy-going, so it seemed to me that he would be okay with rejection.
At the time that I told him that he would not be featured in the video, he seemed very much okay and went on to play with his friends. This, I thought, until his class teacher came to me later and asked what happened. I was dumbfounded; yet tried to gather enough of a logical explanation to justify my actions.
After a few minutes of incomprehensible babbling, she asked me two very simple, yet thought-provoking questions: “How did you explain his exclusion from the project to him?” and “Did you ask him how he felt?.” I then realised that I had disrespected him and communicated poorly.
Regardless of age, status and background, we should have a great level of respect for each other; and we must not forget that this also extends to children.
We have to learn to understand when this is a false assumption because in today’s world, children have a whole lot more concepts to understand and they need to be bolder and more confident in order to stand out from their peers and live well.
With this in mind, it is also very important to know that academic excellence is not enough and complacency with situations that are wrong and inappropriate is unacceptable. Children need to be carried along in some of the decisions that adults make. This helps build their self-awareness, awareness of their environment, maturity and confidence.
Below are a few tips on how to give respect to children:
Speak and explain: One thing that my parents always did and still do is that they explain a lot to me. I had a very strict curfew before I turned 16, but they explained their reasoning being the risks of exposure to certain people and situations that occur at certain times of the day at certain places. It was not always a situation of “I’m telling you to do this, with no explanation and you must do it because I am an adult and you are a child and I said so.”
Keep your promises: Children have very loving and vulnerable hearts. They do not pretend to have a tough exterior like most adults do. In most cases, they also have not formed the thick skin that most adults have. Hence they are very sensitive and take every word for what it is. So when you go back on your word, it hurts their feelings and that makes them feel disrespected.
Listen attentively: When children have something to say, we should be patient and give them enough time to express themselves. Cutting children short is disrespectful and could even take away from their confidence. Children may also not be able to express themselves fully verbally sometimes. Listening should go beyond hearing; body language and general demeanour are important too.
Apply some emotional intelligence: Different children have different personalities, so it is important that we adjust the way to interact with them to suit their ways. Some children respond well through physical gestures while others respond through words and other means of expression.
As much as freedom of expression is a means of demonstrating respect to children, we must also remember that lines must be drawn when we find them in situations that are not constructive.
OYIN EGBEYEMI
