It happened in a leadership retreat I once observed. The facilitator asked a room of senior executives to share their most recent failure – the kind of story that revealed a lesson worth carrying forward. The room froze. Some glanced at the ceiling. Others shuffled papers as if searching for excuses. These were leaders who often spoke of “open communication”, yet their silence spoke volumes. Safety was present; they were friendly, collegial, and polite, but safety alone had not created bravery.
Then something shifted. The CEO leaned in and broke the silence. He told a story of misjudging a market opportunity, admitting that his eagerness to impress the board had clouded his judgement. The room inhaled sharply, then exhaled in relief. One by one, the other executives began to share. What had started as an awkward silence blossomed into one of the most transformative conversations the team had ever had.
Here is the paradox: leaders often believe their job is to reduce discomfort. In truth, the very moments they try to avoid awkward silences, unresolved conflicts, and vulnerable admissions are the moments where growth actually takes root. Discomfort, when stewarded well, is not a sign of failure in leadership. It is the soil from which transformation grows.
We have already explored how psychological safety lays the foundation and how curiosity multiplies its power. But without tension, both remain incomplete. Safety without tension becomes stagnation. Curiosity without tension drifts into endless ideas with little urgency for change.
The best leaders know that tension is not the enemy; it is the hidden accelerator of progress. Research from MIT and Stanford has shown that when teams engage in what scholars call “productive tension”, their problem-solving and decision-making accuracy improve by 25 to 30 percent. In other words, disagreement handled well sharpens thinking instead of dulling it.
Consider Netflix’s much-discussed culture of candour. At the heart of its high-performing environment is an expectation that employees give and receive unvarnished feedback. That feedback is often uncomfortable, sometimes brutally so, but it keeps the company nimble and sharp in a fast-changing industry. Netflix leaders don’t confuse comfort with kindness. They understand that avoiding discomfort in the name of “keeping the peace” is, in fact, an unkindness to the organisation’s future.
Comfort is attractive. It feels safe, familiar, and easy to maintain. But comfort breeds the status quo. And in a world where markets shift overnight, comfort is the most dangerous organisational drug. Growth always requires leaders who normalise and model constructive discomfort.
If tension is inevitable, the question becomes: How do leaders transform it from chaos into growth?
The first shift is reframing. Tension is not a threat to be managed; it is energy to be harnessed. When disagreements arise in a meeting, instead of rushing to “fix it” or smooth things over, a wise leader leans in. They pause, name the moment, and say, “This feels uncomfortable, but this is exactly where we need to be.” By doing so, they reframe tension as an invitation to learn rather than a danger to escape.
The second shift is modelling vulnerability. Teams rarely go deeper than their leader is willing to go. When leaders share their own failures, admit uncertainty, or invite critique, they lower the invisible ceiling that keeps others cautious. As the CEO in the retreat demonstrated, leaders who go first make it safe for others to step into discomfort.
Third, leaders must normalise “heat moments”. Every team experiences them: when the air feels charged, when two perspectives clash, when someone challenges a long-standing assumption. Rather than treating these moments as dangerous, leaders can name them and hold space for them. “We are in a heated moment. Let’s stay here long enough to see what wants to emerge.” Such language signals that discomfort is not a derailment but a necessary stage of growth.
Finally, leaders must retrain their teams to see conflict not as combat but as collaboration. Conflict means caring enough to wrestle with an issue that matters. The task of leadership is not to prevent conflict but to transform it into creativity.
As you consider your own leadership, ask yourself:
Do I rush to smooth over conflict instead of leaning into it?
When was the last time my team had a truly uncomfortable conversation that led to breakthrough growth?
Do I model vulnerability in moments of tension, or do I hide behind authority and expertise?
In your next leadership meeting, don’t avoid tension; guide it. When the conversation feels charged, resist the urge to rescue the room with quick answers. Instead, pause. Breathe. Name the discomfort and lean into it. Ask the team to stay with the tension long enough to uncover what it is trying to teach. Then commit to acting on at least one insight that emerges.
Leadership is not about eliminating discomfort. It is about stewarding it, transforming what feels heavy into the fuel of progress. Growth never happens in the shallow end of certainty. It happens in the deep waters of tension, where courage and vulnerability meet.
The leaders who will shape the future are not those who flee from discomfort, but those who harness it. Not those who smooth over conflict, but those who use it as fire for transformation. Your team does not need you to protect them from discomfort. They need you to lead them through it.
About the author:
Dr Toye Sobande is a strategic leadership expert, executive coach, lawyer, public speaker, and award-winning author. He is the CEO of Stephens Leadership Consultancy LLC, a strategy and management consulting firm offering creative insight and solutions to businesses and leaders. Email: contactme@toyesobande.com
