Love is…… (1)

Just the other day as I was approaching my children’s school, still about twenty meters or so away, I began to gradually decelerate in order to safely make the almost ninety degrees turn off the road and into the school compound. Being a responsible Lagos driver (why does that sound like a contradiction in terms?) I indicated well on time with my traffic lights, which is why I was so surprised to have the car behind me bellow its horn as if I had piled up ten miles of traffic by my very grievous offence of slowing down. This was a very free road with hardly any other vehicle in sight. Why couldn’t he wait the split second longer it would take for me to clear off the road so he could pound the throttle in his bid to break the world’s land speed record? Honestly, I was flabbergasted. As my children must be so used to hearing, the next thing to blurt out of my mouth was,”this is just so typical. Why are we Nigerians so inconsiderate and self centred?” It’s possible my children may well be getting tired of hearing that so often but my prayer is they will hear it enough for it to shape their minds and character positively, for one of the few ways parents can help to shape the future of the world is by shaping their children’s values. The first step to helping children to live right is for parents and guardians to live right.
I’ve taken time to do some research, I’ve observed, I’ve reflected and my irrefutable conclusion is, the most debilitating disease afflicting our society is not AIDS, tuberculosis or even malaria but selfishness, self centeredness and conceitedness. It’s debilitating because it saps the will or desire to do anything even remotely beneficial for others or for the good of all. Every Nigerian seems to have this belief that the whole world revolves around him or her therefore no one else really matters. This self centeredness I daresay, is the root of all other societal ills. Call it insatiable greed, 419, wanton corruption, cold hearted ritual killings, leaders that “don’t send”, kidnappers and even ordinary Nigerians who unashamedly defend them, a la the #FreeEvans movement.
Yes, believe it or not there is a group out there campaigning for this most despicable of men who callously caused countless of Nigerians untold misery to be freed! I wonder if any of the campaigners would still continue to sympathise with him and campaign he be set free if their own mother, spouse or child was abducted by another would-be Billionaire kidnapper, as the media have so glamorously monickered him.
I’ve said time and time again that we would be hard pressed to find many nationalities that do religion better than Nigerians but it is just a shame we don’t fare too well on the godliness scale; further evidence of our penchant for facade over substance. We’ve somehow been able to disingenuously detach, in our collective minds, the inextricable link between godliness and being true or doing good. We treat each other in such a shabby manner, whether it be the way our supposed public servants lord it over us or even how the average Nigerian at the slightest whiff of an opportunity “chances” his fellow struggling compatriot. Unfortunately this shabby treatment seems to have become a Nigerian thing that no strata of society appear to be immune to. It’s quite incredible how well we’ve got it down to a Tee.
God forbid I should speak for him and nor do I desire to but I can almost bet the devil himself must be impressed. Is it the way we ever so sincerely say we’re coming when we’re really going? Is it the way we rob not just Peter but John, James, Philip, Andrew and the whole clan to pay just moi? Or is it how what could almost pass as a small state’s annual budget is supposedly used to cut grass? Even more instructively, right before our eyes we have surprisingly quickly evolved into a community that either no longer discerns right from wrong or no longer cares. How often do we ask ourselves if our proposed course of action is right? The only thing that seems to matter now is, “can I get away with it”? To make it worse, when a “big man ole” is caught, the poverty ridden man who ought to see him as the cause of his pathetic state, having siphoned the commonwealth is the first person to empathise instead of calling for his head. How warped is that? In fact I’m convinced the devil must be respectfully doffing his hat.
So what is missing? As the root cause of all these ills is selfishness what is the cause of the selfishness? The absence of genuine love. Love for God and love for our fellow man. Without this the whole world and everyone in it can go to blazes for all one cares. If that chap behind me had genuine love in his heart he would patiently wait for me to go my way without making a fuss and we would all generally treat each other better. I love the way the bible puts this in 1 Corinthians 13:4 where it says, ”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self -seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”. Need I say more? I believe we’ve established love is the all in all so that naturally takes me to my question, do we truly love in Nigeria? I want to believe most of us don’t want people to die and all that but do we truly love others? Do we actually want the best for others and is this evident in our actions?
Yes, we love enough to favour some of our friends when we find ourselves in control of a public purse. We even love enough to settle some of our family members with our ill gotten loot but is that enough? Do we love enough to restrain the urge to dip our fingers in the cookie jar so millions of Nigerians can benefit from the God given resources of their motherland? Do we love enough to see ourselves accountable to those who “voted” for us? Governors, do you love enough to pay civil servants their hard earned salaries as at when due instead of spending scarce resources on frivolities? Members of the National Assembly, do you love enough to review your humongous income so we can  upwardly review the salaries of those whose services are equally crucial to the well being of our nation; doctors, nurses, teachers, police men and others? I was horrified to hear the salary of a whole police constable is less than forty five thousand naira a month! What is a family man meant to do with that? With this he’s expected to feed his family, pay for daily transport, pay his children’s school fees and so much more. And we wonder why upon all the preaching and palpable disdain from the public towards them for their penchant to harass, they still extort hapless Nigerians on the road. We would do well to anchor our lives on the immutable word of God which says in Romans 13:9-10: “The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfillment of all the law.”
I often feel we’re more interested in the appearance of things. More interested in how we appear than in the actual substance, the truth, warts and all. More interested in things appearing real than the reality, which would eventually help us. As the gospel says in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, “having a form of godliness” seems to hold a greater appeal to us than actually being godly. So why should we be surprised many become so easily enchanted by supposedly powerful men of God not because they speak the whole truth or because every teaching is painstakingly anchored on the scriptures but because of wonderful theatrics and the promise of supersonic miracles. Why should we be surprised most expressions of love are barely skin deep? Action, of the sincere variety, as they say, speaks louder than words.
“Do not accept anything as love without truth because love and truth have always been best friends”
– Shannon Alder
Dapo Akande